Just like a well-seasoned Southern cornbread recipe, great relationships have key ingredients that make them fulfilling, effective, and lasting. In this episode, we explore the essential “recipe” for strong connections—learning to speak the emotional language of others, practicing intentional listening, and putting people first. Whether in leadership, friendships, or family dynamics, finding the right mix in relationships can transform the way we connect with those around us.
Join us for a short but impactful conversation about what makes relationships thrive and how you can bring the right ingredients into your own interactions.
[00:00:07] Hey everybody, you're listening to Relationships. I'm Larry Little. And I'm Melissa Jackson. And this is a podcast about relationships. And in order to have healthy relationships, you gotta understand about relationships, right? Yes, you do. Little shifts. Little shifts. Yeah, you know, little things. It's the little things in life, Melissa, you know, that I think are important. And I want to kind of just, you know, we're among friends. We're here. Anybody listening to us at this point, they're friends. I mean, don't you think? Friends, family.
[00:00:37] This is a pod about relationships and that kind of thing. So, you know, I've discovered something about you that just like very recently discovered this. And I just think we ought to bring it out in front of friends. I think we ought to talk about it. What do you think? Are you willing? Can I go there? Can I talk about this issue? You don't know what it is yet. You know, I have no idea. It's kind of like your joke book. There are a lot of pages in that joke book too. There are wonderful pages. Sure, why not?
[00:01:04] All right. All right. So it's come to my attention that you have a pen thing. You have a pen thing. I never knew this. I've known you for 30 something years and I've never known this about you. You really don't like writing with blue pens. You know, this has probably developed over the years. So, you know, the length of time that you've known me. It probably wasn't, I probably, it wasn't a thing
[00:01:32] then. But, you know, time changes you and so different seasons in life. So, you know, it's been acquired. So interesting. So your preferred color of pen is what? Well, it is a black pen, but it's more than just a black pen. It is a black pen with a certain tip, a certain, you know, gel. It, you know, it's just not true. Interesting.
[00:02:02] You know, black pen. So, all right. And so here you are. You're at home. Your calendar is there. You reach in the drawer. You pull out a blue pen ready to write something down for your family. What do you do? I just feel a little, you know, I just feel a little, it's all that I have in the drawer, in the box. You know, and it depends on the time. I mean, if you're in a hurry. It doesn't matter. If you're in a hurry, I'll bet you're off.
[00:02:30] Blue is a pretty color. You know, it's a nice color. It's a very, but yeah. I'm with you. Okay. All right. I understand. I mean, I can't say I understand, but this is not it right here that I have in my hand. You don't like that one. How about you? And here's the problem. Yeah. Use steel pens. Let's just go ahead and put it out there. Robin is so kind to give us beautiful pens. She does. She does. And somehow he always gets all the pens. I do. I'm guilty of that because.
[00:03:00] They're so nice. And then the ones that click, you know, just the ballpoint pen is left. And, and yeah, like this right here. I have a very nice pen. In my little jar that keeps my pens in my office. And I'm like, what happened? Who is up here taking these pens? I don't know. I couldn't, I couldn't think of who might be getting those nice pens. Because see, I don't care if they're blue. I prefer blue. I like blue or black actually because. Do you like ballpoint pens? I just like blue. Like click? I do. Like this. Okay. See, this is what I have. No, no, no. I'm talking about the ones, you know, that you get a million at one time,
[00:03:29] you know, because they're just, they're just. I don't know about all that. You know what? I really, I don't evaluate my pens like you do. I'm just going to go ahead and lay it out there. I don't know. Because you take them. Guilty as charged. Guilty as charged. So what are we going to talk about that's going to help some people besides blue versus black pen dilemma? Well, we're talking about, this is February. This is Valentine's month. And so we're talking about things around relationships. Of course, relationships is our focus.
[00:03:57] And let's talk today about chemistry. Wow. So chemistry, not being, you know, a set, you know, you got for Christmas one year or in a class. But we're talking about chemistry in your family, chemistry with your friends and relationships with your friends, chemistry at work. You know, all those things are super important to have a high functioning team, a high functioning family. So chemistry.
[00:04:27] You know, chemistry. Sure things that make up chemistry. No, you're so right. It's so important. And listen, I think we, I think we, we misunderstand it. I think we, we don't pay enough attention to it. Because when chemistry is there, people feel, they feel like they're accepted. They feel secure. They feel like they can open up. They feel like they can talk and be heard. It's a give and take. It's a give and take. You use the term ping pong. And it's ping ponging in a relationship, giving and listening and talking. And, you know, you're just not going to do that unless there's chemistry of some kind.
[00:04:57] Unless there's some type of almost permission to go there. But don't believe us that chemistry is important. Data is in. And data tells a story. A few research said that almost 70% of people say that chemistry is the most important factor in a healthy relationship. That there's got to be that emotional chemistry. There's just got to be chemistry. You got to like each other. You got to, you got to understand each other. You got to be willing to listen and be there for one another.
[00:05:25] And when that, those, all those things, ingredients come together, chemistry is formed. And 70% of the people say that's, that's chemistry is it. And even if you were to take a turn, that's personally. But if you were to take a turn professionally, you know, and that's what we do as well from a leadership perspective. Over 75% of employees say that having the right chemistry. Some people might call it culture. Some people might call it environment.
[00:05:52] But having that chemistry in a company is the most important factor. If the pay scale is equal, you know, if it's equal, that having that chemistry is the most important reason they would stay. Well, we know the opposite too. And we've all experienced it personally in some environment where there isn't the chemistry. Then, you know, you feel a disconnect. Right.
[00:06:17] When there's not the makings of developing a chemistry, then you don't feel heard. You don't feel valued. You don't feel understood. You know, all those things take place. And so we can easily see why at work or at home that this is an important piece. It's really important. And it also has health benefits and are adverse benefits, you know, physically because data, once again, a survey and research was done.
[00:06:46] And it said that people who don't experience chemistry in their relationships have a 30% higher stress level. So it says it. Yeah. Yeah. 30% higher. And in fact, and they have, if you do have chemistry, you have a 40% higher satisfaction in life. So if you don't have chemistry in your relationships, your stress level goes up. If you do have chemistry in your relationships, then you're much more, and this kind of makes sense, common sense, right?
[00:07:14] You're much more satisfied with your life. You find satisfaction. And I guess we could add in there joy or fulfillment. Well, stress does a lot of things to you. Yeah, it does. You know, your ability to sleep and the ability to function well. So, you know, these key stats here need to cause us to pay attention and think about how do you create chemistry?
[00:07:41] So let's not think that chemistry just happens. That's right. You know, if we're not careful, we'll think, well, this just happens for people in different environments. It just, you know, their personalities click or this happens. I think that's faulty thinking, and we've got to be careful with that. That's an easy way out. Yep. It's not a lot of work you do there. Right. There's just, you know, this clicks.
[00:08:05] We've got to be more mindful to know that there are things that, in the equation, there are things that help or support facilitating chemistry. Yeah, I mean, chemistry is what? Mixing ingredients together, solutions to come up with something, right? Exactly. So the same thing is true when we talk about relationships. It's about shifting a bit, adding some things to our behavior, to our attitude, to our thought process, to our mindset.
[00:08:34] Adding some things and then taking some things away. Adding some things. Little shifts. That's how you create the chemistry. The myth is chemistry just happens, right? The truth is we can be intentional to facilitate more chemistry. Now, let's be honest about this, okay? There are some people that it will take a lot of work to like, you know, but my point of this, if we choose to be intentional, we can shift to improve those relationships. Yeah.
[00:09:04] You know, we've all seen that too. When we spend a little energy and we get to know someone, the relationship develops as far as they become sometimes, you know, maybe if they're difficult, they can become a little more kind. You know, those things create those connection points, the ability to get to know someone. So it is possible. It is possible. There are difficult people out there. They're everywhere.
[00:09:34] But chemistry is, it's a little give and take on both sides. You're so nice. I mean, you're like, there are difficult people out there. There are people that get on my stinking last nerve. You know, I just, I'm going to be honest with you. People that take pins. Yes. Nice pins. People who steal, you see how hard it is. But, but, you know, if I get my mind right and I can even work on those people, can't I? That get on my last nerve. And who knows?
[00:10:01] You might even convince me to stop stealing your pins one day. I don't know. Kind of doubt it. So what can we do? How do we approach this chemistry thing? So help us out a little bit. You know, there are people that it's more natural for us to connect with. People that are not so easy to connect with. But either way, what do we do here? Yeah, let's start there. So you're mentioning that. It's understanding personality.
[00:10:24] You know, so that piece of the puzzle is real, which is a great time for people to go take the personality profile. We've got new things coming. Very excited. We are pumped about this. In our next podcast, we're going to be talking about that. But the new site to take the personality profile is www.thelittleprofile.com. So go there, take that. You'll see some new things. Very excited about that. But a key ingredient is personality. Yeah.
[00:10:54] You know, understanding there are personalities that can connect better, easier than others. If we have a continuum, if we have a DNA here piece that we pull from our content, you know, there are personalities that click. Yeah, there are. And we're going to take some deeper dives into that, right? And some things coming that we're very excited about.
[00:11:20] But today, let's kind of take a, I don't know what, a 30,000 foot view of this. And let's look at extroverts. And that's people who, Melissa, they tend to be outgoing. They can be loud. They can make quick decisions. They can get a lot done. They tend to be chaotic at times. They're talkative. They communicate well. They think with their mouth, right? They think out loud.
[00:11:46] So those extroverts, if I'm trying to build chemistry with an extrovert, right? What do I need to know? And then the second part, part B to that question to you is, if I'm an extrovert, what do I need to know? So let's tackle first, I'm going to be, I'm going to try to build chemistry with an extrovert. What do I need to know about that person? Well, the things you were saying, the extrovert wants to talk. They want to talk to you. You know, they want to be able to connect.
[00:12:14] And so being available to talk to them and listening to them talk, finding, you know, areas of commonality, things they like to talk about, listening for those cues. What is it that they enjoy? What do they like to talk more about? You know, being able to hone in so that you are building that connection, that chemistry. And one of the things I've learned with extroverts, too, is that because they talk with their mouth,
[00:12:44] I mean, they think with their mouth, you know, they kind of talk out loud, think out loud. What they say, I can't always personalize that. I can't always take that and run with it because they're just processing out loud. So I think to build chemistry, you know, I've got to, like you said, listen to them. But also, from my perspective, I can't take everything to heart. If they're a talker and they're more direct. If they're a talker and they're more task oriented as well.
[00:13:13] They process out loud, but they enjoy tasks. Yeah, that is a good point to be able to know part of me building chemistry means that I have to be in a place where I don't over personalize things that take place. Because if I'm over personalizing, I'm going to be pulling back. I'm going to probably feel a little offended by something. I'm going to be on the defense.
[00:13:43] Those things obviously don't build chemistry. Perfect. You know, detracts from it, subtracts it. Very helpful. And if I'm an extrovert, okay, if I'm an extrovert, what do I need to do to create chemistry for others with me? What kind of things do I need to know about? I'm going to be pulling people in. You know, I'm going to pull people in. I want them to be a part of the conversation. I want them to be connected. I want them to feel like, you know, they've got a space here and they can be involved.
[00:14:12] And so, you know, you're making that connection. You're the one that might be stepping out there to pull others in, to try to add value to them feeling connected. Okay, so as an extrovert, what happens when I try to pull people in, but they seem just to be annoyed by my over-talking or my over-enthusiastic approach or my, you know, lack of being serious or whatever? What do I need to do to... Well, there's a cue right there.
[00:14:39] If you sense that, if you're picking up on that, then you're going to know that they're probably an opposite personality from you. You know, they're probably more introverted potentially because that's not as important to them as sitting back, contemplating, reflecting, you know, being able to process things, thinking before you talk. So it's a cue. A cue helps you make little shifts. I love that.
[00:15:07] So if I pick up on something as an extrovert, I need to shift my behavior to listening more, to bringing the energy down, to allowing a boundary to exist so that they can engage, give them time and space, the other person, to engage. Yeah, and you mentioned matching energy. You're matching engagement level, matching, you know, your tone of voice or your energy level.
[00:15:37] That's a key in building chemistry too. That's very helpful. Sometimes you might have to laugh at some jokes. Well, what do you mean? You know, to connect with that extroverted person. You may not find it too funny, but you're going to laugh, you know, in order to connect. I'm not taking that personally. I'm just going to let that go. It's a great example. There it is. Thank you. All right. So let's talk a minute about introverts for a sec.
[00:16:07] So now I'm an introvert and I want to build chemistry. First of all, if I'm going to build chemistry with an introvert, I want to know what I need. And then we'll talk about what the introvert, his self or herself, what they need. But first, what do I need to know if I'm trying to build chemistry with an introvert? Yeah. Yeah. So chemistry with an introvert is going to be different, right, than an extrovert. And neither one of those is right and neither one of those is wrong.
[00:16:37] So we do have to be careful in our own personality patterns that we don't think our personality is the best, the right one, the way. Right. And so, you know, if you're trying to build chemistry with an introverted child or adult or teen that might be, you know, more on the introverted level, you've got to do something of the opposite of what we were just talking about.
[00:17:02] And it's knowing and being able to realize who you're working with, what you're dealing with. And so, you know, I need to kick it down into neutral moment and I need to be observing. If I already know I have an introverted child that I want, I want to connect with my son, my daughter. You know, if I'm a teacher, if I'm involved with children, kids, teenagers, you know, I
[00:17:30] want to be able to kind of kick it in neutral and mimic some of where they are. You know, that is so true. I have a son who's an introvert and he's an adult, but it's so hard for me sometimes to put it in neutral, to give him space to connect when we're together. I'm really, you know, I'm still learning, still growing as an adult to adult relationship, what that looks like. And many times it looks like just hanging out and having some coffee together.
[00:18:00] Doesn't have to be, you know, a lot of words spoken. Doesn't have to be a deep thing. It could just be hanging out to build that connection that leads to, you know, deeper conversation. But that, you described it as putting it in neutral. It feels uncomfortable and it's the absolute right thing to do. Yeah. For the extrovert that's wanting to connect with the introvert, it is going to feel uncomfortable. Right. And you're right.
[00:18:25] Most of the time you don't need to be talking, you know, you do need to just be. That's right. Be present. Good words. It is hard. It is. It is hard. It's opposite. But here are some things that we're talking about. If we can make some of those shifts, it can lead to that introverted person feeling like you respect me and who I am. I've seen it. I've seen the difference. Yeah.
[00:18:53] It's really significant when I can put his needs above what I need in a relay or what I, you know, what I would prefer. All right. So let's shift for a minute to now. What does the introvert need to know? What do they need to do to shift in order to create chemistry? What does an introvert need to know? Well, it's going to take them energy. It's going to take a lot for them to shift out of neutral and into drive and maybe into
[00:19:22] overdrive at times. It's going to take something from them, which is going to be a lot of energy and they have to kind of intentionally gear themselves up. Yeah. They've got to make the room and the space. They've got to know that, you know, I'm going to have to come out of this mode into another mode. And, you know, that's very, very difficult. But it speaks volumes both ways, you know, both ways from an introvert trying to connect
[00:19:50] with an extrovert and an extrovert trying to connect with an introvert. And both of those are needed for the relationship to grow. I think that's brilliant. And, you know, as an introvert, it's not going to be comfortable to engage verbally. It's not going to be comfortable to find some energy to have a conversation. But remember, you're trying to connect. You're trying to create chemistry with someone who is different than you. So give yourself permission to be uncomfortable, I think is really important. Right.
[00:20:20] And then give yourself permission to go ahead and engage and know that it's going to take that energy to have those conversations. And then you can go back and refuel and, you know, get kind of regenerated again. Yeah. You know, we've talked about in the past that, you know, uncomfortableness and doing something to invest in somebody else. Those can coincide together. In fact, they probably need to because an introvert is probably never going to become an extrovert.
[00:20:50] An extrovert is never going to become an introvert. That's right. You know, different seasons and life events can cause your personality to change. That's right. But in general, you know, they're not going to be different. So you need to go ahead and level the playing field to know that this is going to take something from me and I'm going to choose to do this because, you know, I care. I love this person.
[00:21:18] I want there to be this ongoing chemistry because, you know, in your chemistry set that maybe you had when you were a little kid or your brother or sister had one, you know, different things that you pour in at different times do different things. Yes, they do. You know, and it can combust. It can, you know, so you've got to be willing to get in there and try and know that you're not going to do enough of this at some time, but then you might do too much of this at times.
[00:21:48] But I'm going to, I'm going to go after this so I can grow this relationship because it's important to me. Well, those are incredible words of wisdom. It's about shifting your behavior and trying something and shifting again to another area to mix, get that chemistry just right. But it's an ongoing process. You never really get it perfected. You just continue to invest and continue to shift and continue to try to get to where that other person is to create that chemistry in your relationships.
[00:22:17] And thank you for the wisdom today. I think that's incredibly helpful as we think about our relationships and how to build that chemistry. The important thing is, and you said it just right, the important thing is, is that we choose to try, that we choose to make those shifts, that we choose to invest in those relationships. And that's really what we're all about. And so thank you guys for listening today. I hope that this has been helpful to you.
[00:22:44] Before we go, we do have one important thing. If it's, I know, you know, many of you have said it's the absolute most important and favorite thing of this podcast. Many of you being maybe me. I don't know. But I'm going to, I'm going to go there. We're going to, for the dad joke, the dad joke of the pod. Are you ready? And I never know. We never know what your joke is going to be. It's just, it's always just something that you know. I love that. Yeah. All right, here we go guys.
[00:23:13] Robin is, she's excited. Can you tell? I can see. She's our producer. She's here. She's excited. I can see. Where do chiropractors go to drink? Where do chiropractors go to drink? Mm. Are you ready? Ready. Of course, they go to the lumbar. You couldn't help but laugh. I love it. Hey, thanks for sharing a laugh with us today. Thanks for investing in those you care about.
[00:23:43] We hope that you'll continue to make little shifts that make a big difference. Thank you for tuning into the Relationships Podcast with Dr. Larry Little and Melissa Jackson. We hope today's conversation inspired you to make meaningful shifts in your personal and professional relationships. Stay connected with us online at eaglecenterforleadership.com and follow us at Eagle Center for Leadership on
[00:24:08] Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn for more insights, resources, and updates. Don't forget to subscribe to the Relationships Podcast so you never miss an episode. And if you found value in today's discussion, we'd love for you to leave us a review. You can also watch episodes on YouTube through the Eagle Center for Leadership channel. Until next time, keep choosing to make the little shifts that make a big difference.