Personality Q&A

[00:00:06] Hey everybody, welcome to Relationships, a podcast about relationships and small changes in your behavior that can make a big difference. I'm Larry Little. And I'm Melissa Jackson. And we are glad you are here. We've got a different kind of podcast today, Melissa. Yes, we do. We're talking about those little shifts that are so important in our relationships and it can be easy. We can do this. We can make little changes and it impact our relationships. So today, we're focusing on questions.

[00:00:36] Around the concept of make a difference. And last time we challenged our viewers to send us some questions. Let's hear some questions you can ask the author and we can talk through those. So we want to do that today. There's so much more that we want to learn about make a difference and its impact and the concept. So that's what we're doing today.

[00:00:58] Well, you know, I think that's awesome. And I'm so honored to be able to talk about some things and maybe give some thoughts. But you know, I think it's important for us to realize that what we're doing here. I'm a data guy. I love data. I love to substantiate what we do with data. And there's real data around the work that you and I do and our whole team does and what we've committed our lives to do. And that is to help improve relationships both professionally and personally. But there's real data around the value of

[00:01:28] personality work, personality work, personality assessment. In fact, 70% of all the Fortune 500 companies use personality assessments to determine, you know, kind of hire or what their team is like, how to better connect with their team.

[00:01:42] But if you think about it on a different level, 89%. This was amazing to me. So almost 90% of terminations of people who have made a hire and then they've had to terminate, they say it has to do with personality and attitude. I mean, isn't that amazing? In cue, how you're using.

[00:02:01] Yeah, 90%. I mean, that's just wow. And then you think about relationships and 70% of people who took personality assessments and understood them and use them say that, hey, this really helped my relationship. It really made my relationship better. So that's why we do what we do.

[00:02:20] You know, it's about not only your business, it's about your home. It's about your spouse. It's about your children. It's just, and it's really important because, you know, if you think about children, data tells us how we parent, right? The personality that our children see has a direct impact on who they are and who they've become.

[00:02:39] So, so valuable that we use the tools and resources to make a difference personality profile to understand ourselves and go further than that to understand others. So keep sending in the questions. And today we've got some really good ones. So I want to get going and pick your brain again on some of the questions that we have.

[00:03:00] So remember, you can take the personality profile at thelittleprofile.com. I want you to take that. So the first question for today is, if you had to guess someone's personality type just by looking at them, what signs would you look for? That's a great question. And I do it all the time. So you can do this. Well, you can do it as long as you're willing to be wrong.

[00:03:27] I would say the percentages, you know, get higher the longer you do it and the more you learn about the personalities and their traits. It's a curse, Melissa. I mean, it's a, you know, it's neat, but it's also a curse because I call it blinking, which means that you blink somebody means you make assumptions based on immediate data that you have. Right. And it's a curse because you find yourself doing that everywhere you go. You know, like I could sit in an airport for hours and just blink people. Oh, isn't that fun? I mean, I love it. It's fun to watch.

[00:03:56] And also, you know, it kind of, especially if your wife's trying to talk to you and you're blinking people, it's not a good thing, right? Use it wisely, right? Use it wisely. But so here's the deal. If I'm linking someone, right, and I see someone come in to, let's say, the airport or wherever to an event.

[00:04:15] And he is, you know, he's dressed really sharply. He's, he, he has taken care about his appearance, not just to, not just to show, but, but down to the details. Like, you know, so his hair, his, his, his, his outfit, whatever he's wearing. I can tell by the way he dresses meticulously. That's probably someone that has a lot of camel in them.

[00:04:43] You know, I can listen to somebody talk. And if someone talks in detail, you know, it's not just looking, but if I enter into a conversation and, and I make a comment of what time it is. And that person wants to tell me about how to build a watch, you know, I'm being overly facetious, but they really go into details. I know that's a camel. I know I'm talking to a camel. If someone is, is very abrupt generally, or they, they're very no nonsense. And I, and I noticed, I see the way they walk.

[00:05:11] They walk in very large strides or very direct, they're on mission. You can tell that person is on a mission to get somewhere. I know I'm dealing with a lion, you know, I got a lion coming in there and then, and you know, that, um, yeah, I need to get to the point, move, move on with it. But if, if somebody is, is wearing, you know, sandals and, uh, you know, and maybe, maybe, uh, just, they're not real concerned with their appearance.

[00:05:39] Maybe they're not the most fashionable, maybe. And I'm not saying that they're not fashionable. I'm just saying they don't, it's not a priority. You could, I can tell by what they're wearing that, Hey, you know, they gave some thought to this. They look not, but comfort is king. You know, comfort is king. I'm probably dealing with a turtle, you know, and I'm looking at that turtle going, okay, we can, we can get laid back. We can just kind of talk, easy going, comfort is king.

[00:06:02] If somebody is really, um, adorned, if they like, you know, flashy, if they like, they don't mind where, you know, women, you know, whatever dressing that, uh, with, with, um, large earrings or, or, you know, whatever the style, but they, but they're just kind of flashy. Or if it's a gardener, you know, I call it slick almost, and they really, you know, they don't mind being fashionable and wearing, you know, you, you know,

[00:06:24] they might even wear bright colors or things like that. Um, I would, you know, I would say that I've got a, uh, people loving parrot going on there. And, and I would, you know, I would know that, Hey, we're going to have lots of good, or if I started a conversation and they love to talk and they love to laugh and they love to, you know, but, but if I start a conversation with a turtle and there's silence, you know, I know that's, that's a very different kind of conversation.

[00:06:54] So you immediately start adjusting, getting in their quadrant and getting to where they are, um, you know, acting in their manner as far as their personality. So you can connect with them a hundred percent. And I get it wrong and it's okay. So if I get in there, I think I have, you know, I think I have a camel, but when I get in there, there's, you know, if she's really a lion or he's really aligned that I can change because I know how to speak. It's not about getting it right.

[00:07:19] It's about blinking enough to try something, then listening and learning and then getting it, then getting it right. Once you invest and move and be willing to change and, and get to where they are. It's not necessarily about getting it right all the time. The first time. That's such a good word. So here's another one. What is something that people are surprised to learn about themselves for 25 years? What are you finding?

[00:07:42] It's so funny. Um, like parrots, they, they are totally surprised to think that people are annoyed by their silliness, by their laughter. They're annoyed? Yeah. People are annoyed? Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to take that as a parrot. Um, yeah. You know, it's like, what? If they don't have any idea that their silliness gets on people's laughter because they, they think everybody big, big learning for the parrot.

[00:08:10] Everybody does not necessarily want to have fun. At least not all the time. That's sad. I don't understand. Um, um, you know, and, and I think lions are really surprised to, to understand that people don't want to, you know, they don't want to get the job done all the time. They don't, accomplishing the task is not something that, and lions cannot get that. We are here for one reason to get the thing done, move on.

[00:08:34] And they think everybody, so therefore they are shocked, seriously, to know they hurt people many times. They're not, they're not mean. They're not, they're not trying to be mean. They're just, they're just trying to say what's on their mind. They're being honest. They're being honest, they would tell you. So it takes a, an awareness, that self-awareness of, you know, totally surprises them. Totally surprises them. Right.

[00:08:56] Um, and you know, camels are, are really convinced that, you know, people, everybody wants to, to know how to build, how to make a watch. They want, people want to know the details because that shows that they, you know, the camels know what they're talking. They were shocked when people really don't care and they don't want to know that. And it irritates them to have to hear that many times. And so it's fun to watch it. It's fun to watch those, those things kind of, um, you know, kind of, kind of grow and people's self-awareness and that kind of thing.

[00:09:26] And that's, that's some, some hard surprises, but important, important to understand. Here's another one that, um, I think is so good and let me frame it for us. So it's, is there a personality type that seems the most misunderstood?

[00:09:42] And I'm wondering in this question, if it's, you know, in an, in a certain environment, you know, in a certain environment, if you're in a, a high camel environment, let's say you're in an, an engineering organization. You know, what, what happens there with a personality that's, that, you know, is, is different. Boy, we see it, see it a lot.

[00:10:07] And if you're in a high camel environment and you happen to be a turtle, um, man, it's, it's hard because turtles generally are not verbal. So the camels will assume that they're not knowledgeable. Um, turtles, they don't, they don't adhere. They're more pliable to deadlines and that kind of thing. And it is so frustrating for camels to set deadlines and for the turtles not to hit those.

[00:10:36] So they assume that they're procrastinating and they're lazy. And so those assumptions, because of their behavior, they're, they're really misunderstood because of their introverted type, type behavior. And they're not likely to speak up. They're also misunderstood in the same way by, by lions who, who dominate and talk. And, you know, because they're quiet lions assume that really what lions do is, so they'll say something like, you know, we're going to do this.

[00:11:04] And the turtle may totally disagree, but because they don't speak up, the lions assume they're on the same page. No, we've talked about it. No, you've, you've told them what was going to happen. And also, what if you have a parrot in a predominant lion family? Yeah. Good news is those are two extroverts. So, you know, they're both, they're both going to be verbal.

[00:11:24] Bad news is the lion's going to be verbal with, with an agenda, you know, with, with, you know, to, to say what they mean and to get things done and to get things accomplished. And the parrot is going to be verbal to connect. So the parrot's going to try to connect with the lion by laughing, by, by telling jokes. It's just going to tick the lion off many times if they don't understand. They're going to, they're going to see that parrot as frivolous, as, as, you know, not being focused, as not, not accomplishing. Accomplishing.

[00:11:53] And then they, and it may degenerate into, you know, you're never going to be anything in life. We see that a lot with these type A lions. And they, what it is, they just don't understand how to lead their parrot child or even their, their parrot spouse, how to communicate with them. So, you know, different personalities can be misunderstood. Oh yeah. And then the environment does a lot to, to create some of that at times. It's good. Very, very good. Let's, let's go on to the next question here.

[00:12:23] What are the biggest misconceptions that people have about personality tests and how can we avoid falling into that trap? Yeah. Yeah. I think they're, they, they think that they don't work. They think that, you know, it's just, it's kind of like horoscopes that, you know, you, they're not really accurate.

[00:12:45] But one of the things, another thing I think is that they assume that they're complicated or they don't, they won't be able to understand them more because there are complicated. They're boxing in. They're saying I'm this. We hear that a lot. But you read my mind. They say you're labeling me. I guess the biggest thing people think is, is that personality tests label them. I don't want to be labeled. I mean, I've heard that, especially by our lying friends, right? I don't want to be labeled. But the truth is, it's not about labeling.

[00:13:14] It's about, we all have temperaments. We all have tendencies and temperaments. So understanding first who we are so that we can understand who others are. The purpose behind that, understanding yourself is so that you can know how others perceive you. So you can shift relationships, your behavior to connect and talk to them. So I think they misunderstand personalities because they think, our personality assessments, because they think it's, you know, to label them or they think it's not accurate or they think whatever. No, no.

[00:13:43] It's about understanding the science and our behavior so that we can get to where we, the whole purpose is to connect with others. That's the whole purpose. I understand myself better. If I misunderstand myself better and I get all the data in the world, but I don't do anything with it. Is that narcissism? I don't know. Maybe. But it's certainly not effective. It certainly doesn't do anything. If I learn about myself so that I can better connect with you, that makes a difference. Very powerful. Very, very powerful.

[00:14:12] So as we think about taking the Make a Difference profile, which is 25 years old. 25 years old. Which you can take at thelittleprofile.com. Is there a common reaction that people have when they see their results for the first time? Yeah. So here's what happens. Because of the way that, first of all, the way the test is set up, you're going to find it's a little bit, it's a short test. Everybody, it's a short test. How long does it take to take it?

[00:14:41] Five to eight minutes, maybe. It's really short. 20 things just circle. But it's a little difficult when you get down to the bottom. The words aren't all necessarily positive. So people, first of all, have a struggle. Many people struggle. I'm not any of the, you know, I'm more like, you have to pick one. You have to pick one. So that's the first surprise. It's, oh my gosh, there are negative words here. Then when they get their scores, many are surprised to say, I thought I would at least score some in this category.

[00:15:10] Or I would score higher in a certain category than another. I think that's oftentimes a surprise. But by and large, what I hear is, yep, that's right. Yep, that's me. You know, that's who I am. So by and large, I hear validation. Now, and I always tell them, these tests and any test, but this little profile, it's only as accurate as you are honest. So, right?

[00:15:37] When the more difficult questions come, if you don't tell the truth, then yeah, it's not going to, the results are not going to align with who you are. But if you tell the truth, I think most people, what I hear is, yeah, that makes sense. Because we have a primary and secondary, and sometimes even a third. But the primary and secondary, we're a combination. This is not, we'll go back to labeling. It's not in the labels. It's to understand your temperament, to understand who you are in certain situations, to understand the primary and secondary personality traits that we possess.

[00:16:07] Many times we default to our secondary personality trait under stress. So understanding all of that is important. So what would be some tips if someone wants to go take this for the first time? Or maybe they're retaking it for, you know, they haven't taken it in years. What kind of tips would you give them? So first of all, congratulations. You're taking the first step and see that as a first step to becoming self-aware. To becoming self-aware of who you are so that you can become aware of who others are so that you can truly connect with them.

[00:16:36] So go in the first time with an open mind. Don't overthink it. Don't, you know, just go in and circle the word that best describes you that first comes to your mind. Don't try to justify your answer. Don't, just be honest. Just try to, as you take the test for the first time, don't overthink. Just be honest. And then when the results come, think about what environment you find yourself in that would apply to those personalities that you find that you scored highest in. Okay.

[00:17:05] So if you don't agree with your results. That's fine. If you don't agree with that, think about why you don't agree. Be specific about, okay, I tested high in Lion. I don't think I'm a Lion. Well, then what do you think you're higher in? And why do you not think that? And then back up and go, did I take this? Because sometimes people will take the test with their work in mind, right? Okay. Which is different. They may take their test at home in mind.

[00:17:31] So the environment that you focus on, many times people are one thing at work and another thing at home. So, you know, make sure you identify what environment that you're kind of identifying when you take the test. Yeah. Of course, if they read the book, they're going to go to a deeper level of understanding. It'll give them an opportunity to kind of continue to assess themselves or others as they're reading the content to help them better understand maybe where they are what personality. I hope they did.

[00:17:59] The book is short because I call it a bathroom book, right? It's something you can read in the toilet. Because I need it to be short because people are not going to read books. So it's a very short book, but it's chock full of, okay, once you understand, now I've got the data here, right? But that means nothing because I don't know how to use it. So it's very simple. It's a very quick read. But boy, I think it'll help you to become more aware of yourself and more importantly, you know, the relationships in your life. Very, very good.

[00:18:26] Just a couple more questions as we look at, you know, questions that help us understand the profile and how to use it. So let's say that two people take the test and they get very different results. Let's say they're opposites. How can they use that knowledge to strengthen their relationship? Yeah, that's really more common than not. And by the way, if two people scored exactly the same in a relationship, you would think, oh, they're going to have an easy relationship.

[00:18:55] Many times that's more difficult than people that score exactly opposite because there's no diversity. There's no diversity in terms of conversation, in terms of there are a lot of assumptions going on. There are reasons that if you score exactly the same, you're still going to have to learn to speak that language of the other person and make sure you're more intentional. You can't assume just because they have the same personality as you that you're communicating to them. Bad assumption, right?

[00:19:23] Polar opposites, it really is powerful because now if we're polar opposites, my strengths generally are your weaknesses and your strengths are my weaknesses. If I can leverage that and you can leverage that in a home, oh my goodness. And so it's about understanding how to speak the language of one another and how to leverage those strengths, right? And how to allow the other person to be the leverage to your weakness, to leverage their strength in your weakness.

[00:19:51] So if someone is able to do that and they're really able to leverage and understand the difference of the personalities, what kind of impact do you think that has on that team or that family? What do you think that looks like? It's incredibly powerful.

[00:20:13] We know that when you get people speaking the same language, working together for the common cause, whether it's a professional team or whether it's a home team, when you allow people to use their strengths and you allow those strengths to work on others' weaknesses, to overcome others' weaknesses, it is incredibly powerful. So what you have there is a well-oiled machine who there's no control issue. You use your strength, I use mine.

[00:20:40] Let's talk about different things that you're going to do, different things that I'm going to do on a team who has the strengths here and allowing people to operate in those strengths. Man, that is powerful because it helps them to feel value, right? Value added. They're bringing something to the table, but it's also just gets better results. And here's the thing. If I'm trying, if I have a weakness, let's say I'm a parent and I'm trying to work out, I call it out of my quadrant, read the book, it talks about the quadrants.

[00:21:06] But if I'm over here in these details all the time, I can do it, but there's a cost to pay. If I'm a parent and I'm trying to get into the camel detail, I can do it for a while, but it exhausts me. There's an emotional drain, so I have to get back in that parrot quadrant to renew myself. So what sense would it not make if I'm a parrot and I'm on a team with a camel? Let's let those camels handle those details. They love it. They enjoy it.

[00:21:35] Let's find out what the parrot strengths are. Well, I'm a pretty good communicator. I can develop some communication pieces or communication tools, or I can build connection and trust. Let you leverage that. Let the camel leverage that. And that's when you really see the overused word, but on the team, synergy, take place. It's when you allow people to operate in their strengths. And don't be afraid of your weaknesses. Let somebody come in and use their strength to leverage your weakness.

[00:22:01] So as we finish up, what is funny that you have seen? Something funny, something that you just have to laugh because you understand personalities. What is something in the last 25 years that you would say has created humor for you in personalities? You know what? If we would allow ourselves just to lighten up and laugh at ourselves, wouldn't the world be great? I mean, it's just hilarious to me.

[00:22:31] As we have worked together for 25 years to build this thing, we've learned so much about each other, about our team. But one of the... It's funny. It wasn't funny at the time, but it's funny now. I had this guy I was coaching, right? And he had this team. And they were... These were brilliant men and women on this team. They were in the space industry.

[00:23:00] And he stood up this new team, brilliant men in this company. And then I got to hearing I was working in this company. We were working and we were doing... We were coaching and seminars and doing what we do in our services. But I kept getting this report. I kept getting this stuff. This space team, they're awful. They're ticking me off. I hate them. They're just terrible. They're just running... They just don't... They don't care. They run over people. They do what they want to do. And I kept hearing this over. So finally, I went to the leader of this team, who is a double-digit lion. He was... I mean, just a...

[00:23:30] And he was... He had come into the company to stand up this team. I said, let's do an offsite. We need to do an offsite. Because I needed them to hear me. And I didn't know. I thought, you know, let's figure out what's going on. So we need to figure out what's going on. You know, there's some issues. So we did this offsite. We start by doing the personality work. That's where you start, right? That's the foundation. So we did this personality. And there were probably... I'm going to say 25 people on this team, right? So we did...

[00:24:00] When I got the results, all 25 people were lions. And most were double-digit. He had gone out and hired a group of people who was just like himself. And I'm like, man, you hire people that are just... He said... And I looked at it and I said, no wonder you're ticking everybody out. And they had no clue. So we're just trying to get things done. We know how to do it. We know we want to get down. Like, you're ticking everybody out. So we had to go to school and we had to learn and had to help these lions to learn to speak camel language.

[00:24:29] A lot of camels in that company. And how to slow things down and build some structure around it. But I don't know that I've ever had that happen since. But true story. 100% why. So environment, it plays a part. They've made more enemies in six months than, you know, I could even imagine. Oh, it's been fun today. Thank you guys for watching and listening.

[00:24:52] Thank you for letting us pick your brain and really just ask some good questions about the make a difference and how to use it and what it looks like. Because ultimately, we want this to be a tool and a resource to impact lives. So let's use the rest of our time for our chat. Yes, here we go. This is the... Everyone wants this time and they want this part of the podcast. We hear it. You've just sent over and over. It's the parrot moment. It's the parrot moment. That's what we should call it.

[00:25:21] Please don't stop the dad jokes. Please keep them coming. So we're going to. We're going to keep them going. And this one, though, you guys... And Robin gets so excited every time we do this. Doesn't she too? Our camel. Yes, she does. She just loves it. Especially since it's frivolous and senseless. But anyway, here is the dad joke. And you may know the answer to this one. Okay. So here we go. Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk?

[00:25:49] Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk? Now, wait a minute. I'm supposed to know this. You can know it. You can know it. Where do you buy chicken broth in bulk? You ready? Mm-hmm. The stock market. Oh, man. I love it. I love it. It's so good. I mean, the stock market. I love it. It's so good. Yes. The parents. Thank you, parents. We can share that moment.

[00:26:17] And thank you guys for listening and laughing with us. And I hope that you've gained a few things that can help you and help your relationships. Because that's what we're about, Melissa. That's right. That's it. So thanks for joining us on Relationships. So we hope that you're learning to make little shifts that will make a big difference in the lives of those you love, live with, and lead. You guys take care.

[00:26:40] Thank you for tuning in to this very special episode of the Relationships Podcast with Dr. Larry Little and Melissa Jackson. We want to keep it going. At the beginning of each episode, we're going to answer your questions. If you have a question for our hosts about personalities or relationships, send it in to the link in the show notes.

[00:26:59] Stay connected with us online at EagleCenterForLeadership.com and follow us at Eagle Center for Leadership on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn for more insights, resources, and updates. Don't forget to subscribe to the Relationships Podcast so you never miss an episode. And if you found value in today's discussion, we'd love for you to leave us a review. You can also watch episodes on YouTube through the Eagle Center for Leadership channel.

[00:27:25] Until next time, keep choosing to make the little shifts that make a big difference.