The Truth About Moms

[00:00:08] Well, hello everybody. Welcome to Relationships. I'm Larry Little. And I'm Melissa Hamburg-Jackson. And here we are, Melissa. You know, April showers brings May flowers and we are in it. We are here in May. Can you believe that? I know. It is so hard to believe. Yesterday it was January. I know, I know. And now it's not. But we have a very special podcast because we're talking about some very special people. Yes, we are. It's right around the corner and as you're listening to this, you're gearing up for it.

[00:00:37] And it's Mother's Day. Isn't that a special time? It's Mother's Day. Such a special time. And we are going to have just a bit of fun, I hope, and hopefully some informative information to talk about about moms because moms are critically important. By the way, you know why all of our computers are so smart, don't you? Mm. Mm. Well, it's because they listen to their motherboard. That's good.

[00:01:08] Oh, that's good. I want to wet those. I love it. I want to wet your appetite, grease the skin, get ready. Because we're going to, that's just the first one. Well, I was wondering if that is replacing the last one. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay. We have another one on the end because you ask, you want to make sure you always say, Larry, please make sure. I love it. We get to the dad joke. I love it. And I love how you started off this one, you know, in light of moms, you worked hard to have an opening. An opening for moms. Yeah, it's all about moms.

[00:01:47] It's beautiful. We know that not everybody has a good experience or relationship or has had a good experience with their moms. And we get that. We want to honor that. We recognize that. And we certainly don't want to make an assumption that everybody's relationship with mom or that everybody has their moms here. They don't. And we know that. And we do honor that. But we want to talk about today moms in general because all of us have a mom.

[00:02:13] And if your mom is still with you, it's a great opportunity to think about connecting and relating with her. If you're still in a home with children, then you'll find hopefully some of the things we talk about helpful. And if you are at home and your mom is at home with you still, then this is going to help you to maybe understand how to love her a bit more, a bit better. And not more, but better.

[00:02:35] And hopefully we can give just a little bit of help, wisdom, tools, if you will, as we talk about the truth about moms. The truth about moms. Because you see, here's the thing. We do have today an expert. And you are the expert because you are a mom, right? I am. I am. And what a beautiful journey that it is. You know, ups and downs and ins and outs. And I love it.

[00:03:00] I love having the opportunity to grow and to do this journey together. It's a lot of fun. A lot of fun. You know, your sweet daughter is now. She's 14. She is 14. So right. Beautiful girl. 14 year old. In the teenage zone. And it is a lot of fun. We're learning so much together. You're in it, aren't you, girl? We are in it. You're in it. To win it. So here's the hit to win it.

[00:03:30] You know, raising that junior high girl right now. Yeah. It's got to be a challenge and a lot of fun. And you learn things you didn't even know, I guess. You know, I do. And that's the fun part of it. You know, she keeps me up to date with all the technology and, you know, those pieces. And she tries to help me so that I can stay in the lingo, bro. No. I try. I'm not sure that I really, you know, make it.

[00:03:58] But I like to think that I'm staying in the zone. So that leads me to ask you this question. Are there times when she might just look at you and roll her eyes? Did you ever get that eye rolled or that mom? That's such a mom thing. I see that. But, you know, when we talk about it, she doesn't see it. So she doesn't think that it really counts.

[00:04:25] But sometimes I have to demonstrate what I saw. And, you know, that gets some good laughter going. Well, I bet you're a cool mom. It's cool still a word. I don't know. But I bet you're a cool mom. Whatever the word is. Bro. Whatever it is. The word is escaping me right now. I try to be. I'm not. But I try to be. I bet you are. You know, the thing about it is moms are probably some of the most misunderstood people on the planet during the teenage years, during those early years.

[00:04:51] And then maybe some of the most later in life, you look back and you see what you had and you go, wow. You know, wow, mom. That's so true. And so what we want to do today is talk about how different personalities affect the way different moms parent. And this is not about one personality loves more. It's not. It's that they love differently. Right. All these personalities that we talk about, they have different ways of communicating, of talking, of laughing, of loving, of parenting.

[00:05:20] So we want to talk about that today to help us to understand a bit more about our mom so that we can appreciate her and so that we can love her in maybe a little bit different way, maybe even a deeper way. Who knows? So we talk about personality and what we mean by that is it's just how we influence other people, how we solve problems, how we care for others. So we're talking about how a mom's love shows up through her personality. That's what we're talking about.

[00:05:48] I love how you frame that because it is just different. And understanding that really gives you insight on how to receive it later in life even and how to understand when it's being given, how to know that it's a gift and not an irritation. That's right. It's such a gift. Yeah, that's right. And we don't have to guess. I mean, there are some interesting stats about moms.

[00:06:13] And the Cornell Chronicle says that the average mom spends over 90,000 hours. Think about that. Wow. Wow. Raising her kids in her lifetime. In 90,000 hours. I mean, it's amazing. I don't doubt it. Do you? I mean, if you look back. Yeah. You know, and I wonder where that stat cuts off. You know, what age is that stat? Great point. Kind of cutting off. But, you know, that's a lot of time, a lot of investment.

[00:06:43] And we know that. Here's another stat. The Healthy Mommy survey says nine out of ten moms say that, you know, all that time that they're investing that sometimes that they can feel guilty about not taking time for themselves. What do you think? True or false? I think that can be so, so true. Yeah, I think that's so true. They're at the end of the line. Yep. They're at the end of the line. They get to it. But there's another survey that says two out of three moms admit to hiding chocolate

[00:07:12] or snacks from their kids and their partner. It's just two. That's just two out of three. You think that's love? I think that one may be love. Tell the truth. Have you ever hidden snacks from your family? Maybe. Maybe I have. Maybe I do it a lot of times. I don't know. I love it. I love it. So on a more serious note, the University of Bath survey says that 71% of household mental

[00:07:40] load responsibilities are handled by mothers, including planning, coordinating, and managing family logistics. True or false? Oh, my goodness. So, you know, moms, they just feel that innate responsibility. It's, you know, it just happens. They're nurturers by nature. If they're extroverted or introverted or taskwired, it doesn't matter. They're going to, you know, they're going to feel that responsibility. So, yes.

[00:08:06] And, of course, that carries into that constant, constant ever thinking about how to carry that load. Yeah. I think that's so. And the truth about that is I think it's so true. But also, I think a truth is that it's so underappreciated, that load that you carry. Data says that 75% of mothers say that much of their work goes at home, goes unnoticed. Mm-hmm.

[00:08:33] You know, and moms are, they're working during the day, whether it's in their home or, you know, in a work environment. And, you know, they're giving, giving, giving. And then there's the night shift, you know, to do and the things to take care of at home so that it runs as smoothly as it can.

[00:08:57] And that just is a lot of energy that goes into making sure that the family and kids get where they need to go. And then they're also taken care of at night. And I'm just thinking about that right now. All that, you know, you moms do. That's amazing. All that, that, that my mom did growing up and that you guys do to, to pave the way for your family. But here's a question. Well, it is a gift of love, but here's a true question. I just, I want a true answer from you.

[00:09:24] So research says that 83% of moms say that parenting is enjoyable most of the time, even though it can be overwhelming. What do you think? Well, you know, anything worth doing is going to have struggle to it. You know, it's going to have hard situation to it or hard dynamic or, you know, it's going to have a hard season or, you know, that, that's life. Right. Right.

[00:09:53] And, you know, it's, it's like a diamond in the rough. It produces something, you know, that changes you and, and causes you to grow. And even in the moments where maybe you don't want to, it creates that environment. So, you know, that hard work is purposeful, very, very purposeful. That is, that is awesome. So there is incredible purpose in being a mom, a lot of hard work, probably underappreciated, but still it brings a joy, huh? It does. It does. It does.

[00:10:22] And I love today that we're going to focus on how can you be aware if you're listening to this, whatever, you know, relationship you're in or not in, but how can you be aware when, when you see the, the personality dynamic coming out in, in a relationship, how can you be aware and how can you be mindful to be appreciative of that, to, to understand the value that it brings, to understand that the gift that it is.

[00:10:51] So as we go through this, I want to challenge you as, as our listeners to identify what personality is your mom, you know, what is, and if you're a mom, think about who you are and think about how you parent, but just to bring some awareness to this so that we can love our moms better so that we can honor our moms in a more powerful way. Maybe in the first, first up, let's talk about our, our parrot, our people loving parrot.

[00:11:15] If your mom is a people loving parrot, you see that her love for connection can, that she loves to talk. She loves, she talks, she thinks out loud, she processes out loud. She has great communication skills when it comes to engaging others. She can enter into a conversation and she enjoys that. She enjoys the process of communication verbally.

[00:11:38] So she's a connector, a lot of fun, a lot of laugh, a lot of connecting with, with her family and with others through humor, those kinds of things. Others connect in different ways. She uses humor, but you know, from, from a reality standpoint, it's, I'm going to be right back. I got to run a quick errand and, you know, she could be gone for, you know, hours. Who knows? Because she gets caught talking and she talks and she visits and she will stand in the

[00:12:05] parking lot of the grocery store and talk and talk and talk. And you're finally like, you know, mom, can we, can we go? But she's got to catch up with, with the people that she wants to, to talk with and engage with. She's got to hear from them. Yes. And five minutes is not literally five minutes, five minutes, you know, it may be 30, it may be something, you know, 45, but, um, you know, they love through conversation.

[00:12:29] And so it's so important for, for you to love back through taking time to have that conversation, taking time to connect in that way, taking time to be able to slow down and just kind of visit, just kind of talk, have conversation, be open to allow there to be, you know, words exchanged, uh, pleasant words, positive words.

[00:12:55] Well, so here's your, here's your, your action item for, you know, if you have a parrot mom, you know, she's a parrot, take the time to verbally tell her how much you appreciate her. Tell her that you love her. Tell her that you think she's beautiful. Tell her that you appreciate all that. Take some time to validate her through words of affirmation, validate her through spending a time, giving her a big hug, uh, letting her know that she's important. She is important, not, not what she does, but thankful for what she does.

[00:13:25] But you love her because she's fun. And that will make her day. That will completely make her day. And you are going out of your way. If you're giving to a parrot mom in that, that way, you know, you are speaking her language and, and really investing in her in the way that she enjoys, that she will naturally feel. And listen to her, listen to her stories. She wants to tell you stuff for Mother's Day. Listen, listen, let her, let her share stories and laugh at her jokes.

[00:13:53] Laugh with her, laugh with her. Tremendous. So, so also let's talk about the lion mom. So the lion mom is on the other end from that. The lion mom is the one that is making sure everybody is moving forward. You know, they're the ones that are hurrying everyone up because there's something they got to get to, you know, they're making sure that they're getting to practice or they're,

[00:14:19] you know, getting, getting to work, whatever it may be. They're, they're pushing everybody forward. They're making sure that the big picture is happening and it is working. And they're going to be the ones that are pulling everybody along. You may feel pushed. Yeah. You know, by that mom, you may feel like, you know, she's always pushing me. She's always pushing me, but that's really her loving you. That's right. Right.

[00:14:45] She's really, you know, speaking that language of, I care enough about you to pull you along because, you know, whatever you're doing is more than just that moment. You know, it's teaching you something or it's, or it's discipline that get helping you create a discipline in some way. That's so true. Mom's line. Mom, see that big picture. They understand it. They show love so, so powerfully through getting, let's get some important things done. Let's, well, you can accomplish this. You can beat that challenge. They're the ones that give you that confidence when you need it. Oh my goodness.

[00:15:15] They'll help, they'll help you go conquer that hill. They love that. And if you're not careful, you'll think you're at a bootcamp and you know, but they're trying to get things done. I mean, they're trying to conquer it because they know the importance of a good work ethic. They know the importance of, of going for the gusto of, of seeing a goal and going after and conquering that hill. So if you want to love her, you know, you've, you tell her that, Hey, let's go get something done. What do you want to accomplish on your mother's day?

[00:15:43] Would it that project that's never been finished? Maybe you can help her get it done. Whatever that is, find out and love those lying moms by saying, what do you want to accomplish? I love that. You know, it's the lion mom is, is the mom that sees the five year old, you know, they're dealing with a five year old, but they already see, you know, the type of employee that this child is going to be. They're already thinking about their work ethic. Like you're talking about, they're already thinking about, well, how can I use some chores

[00:16:12] to help teach them to have a strong work ethic in their five years old? So, you know, that is that lion that is always going to be thinking about the future. They're, they're always ahead of the moment. And, you know, they, they love that way and, and want to, to be loved in return. So true. So love your line mom by helping her accomplish that big, big thing, whatever it is she's working on. That's right. Let's talk about the camel mom, the competent camel mom.

[00:16:40] You know, the camel moms, um, they, they do carry their responsibility very seriously. Um, they're the ones that, uh, can, can really understand the logistics and the detail and the organization. They're why the systems are in place because they can build those systems. They can see it. Um, they can, but at the same time, um, you know, we have to understand the way they show love to us is by creating the, the pathways through organization for us to function, for us to be successful.

[00:17:09] They feel like they are, they are paving a way for their family. They're making it so that the chores are organized. They're, they're looking at the logistics of the schedule of what we've got to be and where we've got to be and what we, when we've got to do what. And they're thinking about the what ifs. Yes. And, and really thinking about it, you know, what are we going to do plan A, plan A, but falls will have plan B. And so the thing about that is they can carry that load, but they're generally introverted

[00:17:39] so they can carry that load and nobody really know how heavy it is. Right. Yeah. And, and that gets kind of, kind of lost in, in the, in the shuffle if you're not careful and it may cause, you know, you to, to feel like, well, they're always, you know, in the, in the nitty gritty, they always want to know what's going on in my business. They always, but if we shift that, you know, we make a little shift there and understand

[00:18:04] who is this camel mom, this camel mom is the one that does care about the details and they care so much to be in them and to be so involved in them that, you know, they're, they're showing their heart through managing those things. They're showing their love through making sure that those things are, are lined up. And so it's so important as you talk about how do you love that camel mom, you know, how

[00:18:33] do you help her feel valued is to slow down and let her do that. And, and if you want to love her for mother's day, let her make a plan and you run the place. Hey, let's together, let's plan out how you would like your mother's day to look and let her come up with a plan that works for her. That's great advice. It lowers that stress for her just for that day. And then you get to where she is and walk that plan. Check that box, those boxes off her checklist with her.

[00:19:02] Slow down verbally, communicate some appreciation around something specific, not a lot, but, but notice something that shows that you are aware of those details. Correct. Correct. So that brings us to our tranquil turtle mom. And, you know, this is the mom who is incredibly thoughtful, who loves to spend time with us, who is, is okay. Peaceful. Just hanging out, chilling.

[00:19:32] Oh, they're so peaceful. That's right. Um, have incredible wisdom. They are, they are, they are amazing to connect one-on-one with. Right. And, and doesn't mind being in the background. In fact, we have to watch that because just because a mom is a turtle and puts others before herself doesn't mean we should take advantage of that. Sometimes she might get pushed to the, to the side. Her needs might not be met. Right. Because she's not going to be verbal about that.

[00:20:02] Right. Right. She's going to love through an endearment, through a connection, through a serving, through a caring, through a spending time with. Creating a calm environment. That's super important. Yeah. We have to realize though, it, that, that makes it very easy to, to take it her for, for granted. Right. To go, Hey, you know, to not recognize what she is doing in the work. So if we're going to, to love that, that tranquil turtle on mom's day, she would love nothing

[00:20:31] more than to you, for you to put it in neutral, show her how much she is cared for by spending time. Maybe that's going for a walk. Maybe that's sitting and visiting. Maybe that's doing, maybe she wants to go to a movie. I don't know what she wants to do. Check out what she wants to do to spend T I M E with you. Don't do what you want to do during that time. This isn't about bringing her along with whatever you think is fine. Right. It's about mom. We're going to spend, this is your day. We're going to spend it with you chilling. What do you want to do?

[00:21:01] Yes. You tell us. And she may have a hard time articulating what she wants to do because she's so used to doing what other people want to do. So slow it down, help her think through. And the bottom line is just commit. I'm going to be here. Yes. I love it. I'm going to be here for you. I love it. And so we're going to talk about some shifts that you can literally make for mother's day and moving forward in order to love that mom. And those shifts are super important because when we've got the knowledge and we understand

[00:21:31] who our mom is, that person that we're trying to love, then we can really hit the spot. That's right. You know, we may think, oh, let's give her flowers. Oh, let's give her, you know, let's do this. Is that going to work? Well, we're going to give you some things. We've just talked about what you can do specifically. We're going to give you some shifts to really think through and challenge you to choose one of these in order to shift into a mode that could really speak to that mom.

[00:21:58] One more thing, Melissa, before we get to the shifts is that I realize that some of you are listening, you're like, my mom is, you know, hundreds of miles away. Maybe I can usually just give her a call. No, no. You can still, you know, with the different personalities, think through long distance how you can connect with them through Zoom. We've got a lot of ways for you to spend time with, for you to talk with, for you to think through how you can show your appreciation and validation of your mom based on her personality. Yes. You know, who is she?

[00:22:28] And validate her based on who she is. Yeah. You can still do it even if you're not in the home with your mom. Go get in that quadrant of your mom. Right. And of course, all this is with the little profile that you can take. You can have your mom take. That'd be a lot of fun for Mother's Day. And you can understand her at such a deeper level. So let's talk about some shifts. Let's get to those. Let's do it. Some tools. So how can you shift?

[00:22:52] And I want to speak to really quickly, if you are involved with your mom and you've got some wisdom on this, what a unique responsibility you have to be able to help create that environment for other people, to help educate other people, whether it's your child or your sister, your brother, your whoever. How can you help people gain some knowledge that can hit the target that can hit it and bring such value? So here's a shift.

[00:23:20] If you're thinking about this, let's shift from misreading personality, which we're just talking about that, to understanding personality, to really understanding what that person needs so that you don't view it negatively. You know, you don't get frustrated because it's, oh, they're picking at me. You don't, you don't, um, you know, use that and allow it to create a disconnect from your mom.

[00:23:48] You figure out what does she need? So you move from misreading the personality to understanding personality. Yeah, this one's easy guys. Really easy. Um, the little profile.com go take it, look at it. So you'll know who she is and listen to this podcast, right? Yes. Don't assume, know who she is, love her based on who she is and her personality. Don't misread it. Don't, you don't have to misread it, Melissa. We've got it. That's right. That's right. Here's a quick, here's a quick example. You know, my mom is, is a hugger.

[00:24:15] Well, we know we've got to go hug and we've got to hug when she enters. We've got to hug when she leaves. It's super important. Whether we're huggers or not is irrelevant. Oh man, that's a great example. Number two, shift from irritation to curiosity. I love this one. Curiosity.

[00:24:35] So if I shift from being irritated to curious, I really take the, the, the eyes off of my own emotions around the situation. And I really become a learner. Instead of being, you know, being, being irritated, I become a learner of that other person. And curiosity causes me to learn about that person. Yeah. And it helps us to, to identify when things really irritate us instead of allowing it to damage the relationship.

[00:25:05] It helps us to, to find a path to say, wait a minute, let me learn more about that. And, you know, and finding that, that balance, finding that in, instead of when things irritate us, instead of doing that, let's be curious. Let's, let's ask them, you know, what, what do I not get about that behavior? And why, why is that going on? And what can I do? Just like you, you articulated beautifully. Mom needs a hug. What can I do to meet that? I may not be a hugger, but you know what? She, she needs a hug.

[00:25:34] So instead of letting that irritate me, you know, I'm not going to hug her. No, no, no. I'm going to get to where she is and I'm going to be curious. Wait, what is it that helps her? Well, she needs hugs. That's right. Then the answer is to go get it. So I'm not going to use what she needs. I'm not going to, I'm not going to judge her in that. I'm not going to evaluate her based off of what I need. I'm going to go totally get in her quadrant and speak her language. So another shift is to shift from conflict to balance. Yeah. That's what I was just talking about.

[00:26:03] I mean, the two kind of really go hand in hand. Being curious helps us to find balance. And what that means is just to say, I'm not going to allow myself to enter into a conflict because somebody is different than I am or they process differently or their needs are different. I'm going to, I'm going to realize that diversity is the key in personality. When in a family that think about it, if you had a family that was all lions, it'd be hard. We all have different, are all parrots, are all turtles.

[00:26:31] We have the diversity of personality in our families. That's a strength. And that's, it helps us to stay curious about each other. So look, instead of having conflict, find that appreciation for the balance and the curiosity. So the last shift that we want to talk about is, you know, let's, let's work hard to shift from taking moms for granted. And we've told you to acknowledging their impact. And we've told you how to do that.

[00:26:59] We've talked about what each personality mom needs, what they need. Go back and look at that. Grab some notes and, you know, for you to, for the future, if you need to, to jot them down or whatever. But the bottom line is, how can you love your mom with gratitude? Not just during mom's day, mother's day, but how can you do that for the rest of her life? How can you get to where she is?

[00:27:24] You know, I think this, this one is super important because we know with different seasons, we experience a different relationship with, with our mom. And, you know, when we get older, we, we see the impact. Well, what if we could acknowledge that impact instead of waiting till we're so much older, we could acknowledge it now.

[00:27:45] And sometimes I think that that means that we have to understand our mom as a person, you know, that they had, they grew up, you know, in different ways that they experienced different things. They experienced different struggles unique to them and their person. And, you know, they've gone through things and our moms need grace just as much as we need them today.

[00:28:12] And as we kind of turn the corner to wrap this thing up, it's important to remember that it's not only, it's not only vital that we love our moms, but that we allow our moms to show love to us. And then we can receive that love in a way that they want to express it, not just the way we want to receive it. So it's about allowing your mom to love you because we've already identified that is incredibly important. Part of motherhood is being able to love your child, love your children. Allow that to happen.

[00:28:40] Even if it does all that doesn't meet money. It's not about that. Doesn't fit into my box. Yeah, it doesn't fit in my box. It's not about that. It's about allowing your mom to love you and to love her to where she is for sure. So we all have different personalities. Moms have different personalities. Hopefully during this episode, you've learned a little bit about who your mom is and who you are so that you can love your mom in a more effective way and allow her to love you in a more effective way. What do you think? I love this.

[00:29:10] We challenge you to go take the little profile from the perspective of what you think your mom is so that you can understand that. Take it for her, you're saying. Yeah, yes, or have her take it. We'd love for you to do that. Did we mention it's free? It is a free tool. And it is a cool tool. It is incredible. We'd love for you to join over a million people who've taken it. We'd love for you to be one of those. Yeah.

[00:29:34] But as we close, it's so important that we stop and do what everybody has asked for, everybody wants. It's important that we take a minute and honor our moms with the traditional dad joke. I mean, the mom joke, as we said earlier, the mom joke. So, you know, Melissa, my mom complains that I don't buy her flowers. Be honest. I didn't even know she sold flowers.

[00:30:06] Go buy your mom some flowers. Hey, guys, thank you for listening. We hope we made you chuckle a bit. And hopefully you'll take away some things that will help you as you continue to have that relationship that truly makes a difference. We'll see you guys next time. Take care.

[00:30:33] Thank you for tuning in to the RelationShifts with Dr. Larry Little and Melissa Jackson. We hope today's conversation inspired you to make meaningful shifts in your personal and professional relationships. We want to hear from you. If you have a question for the author, Dr. Larry Little, about personalities or relationships, send in your questions to the link in the show notes.

[00:30:58] Stay connected with us online at EagleCenterForLeadership.com and follow us at Eagle Center for Leadership on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn for more insights, resources, and updates. Don't forget to subscribe to the RelationShifts so you never miss an episode. And if you found value in today's discussion, we'd love for you to leave us a review. You can also watch episodes on YouTube through the Eagle Center for Leadership channel. Until next time, keep choosing to make the little shifts that make a big difference.