[00:00:08] Welcome to Crossing the Line, a podcast where we talk about relationship, we talk about leadership, we talk about how to lead yourself, how to lead those around you. And we're excited today to talk about something that really affects all of us. I'm Larry Little. And I'm Melissa Jackson.
[00:00:22] And we're going to talk today about something that affects everybody, really, especially this time of year, Melissa. Holiday stress.
[00:00:31] That's right. Christmas is coming. And, you know, that is a fun time. A lot of fun things that we get to do and be a part of. But at the same time, we know that fun and stress, they are really close together a lot of times in our life.
[00:00:45] Yeah, I was thinking about that. And, you know, Christmas and holidays and the things that go along with the holiday season, it's changed dramatically since I grew up, since when I was young.
[00:00:58] Yeah. I remember, you know, growing up, I mean, we had a little, little silver trees, you know, talking about a little, little tinsel on it, but it was silver and we had a wheel, a color wheel.
[00:01:11] I think it was like red and green and maybe yellow. I don't know, but it would, it would spin really slow. And as a kid, I would watch that tree.
[00:01:18] And it just like sat on our countertop or sat, you know, in the, in our living area on a counter. And I thought it was awesome, right?
[00:01:26] Yeah. Yeah. We had a tree too. We had artificial tree. We always said artificial.
[00:01:31] And the tree, you know, we quickly outgrew, got taller than the tree, you know? And so we would have to put the tree up on a piece of furniture.
[00:01:41] Yes.
[00:01:42] Drape a cloth over the base of it so you really can see it and, you know, throw the little tinsel, the tinsel that would go everywhere.
[00:01:50] Yeah. The silver tinsel. You remember that?
[00:01:53] Yes. And it would get everywhere.
[00:01:54] Light bulbs on the tree. It is so different and I'm glad it's different.
[00:01:59] I don't know. I guess nostalgic. I kind of liked it.
[00:02:01] I like the remote control. Turn the tree on, turn the tree off.
[00:02:06] Yeah. You turn it off. And that wheel that went around, I thought it was so cool.
[00:02:09] They gave it color. I could just watch it on those silver. Our tree was silver.
[00:02:13] So I had these leaves. And it was so, it was so, what's the word? Quaint maybe?
[00:02:18] Yeah. Yeah.
[00:02:19] If we'd have known then, now fast forward to today, it's just ridiculous.
[00:02:25] It is. So different.
[00:02:26] I mean, I know people that have literally eight, nine Christmas trees in their house.
[00:02:32] Mm-hmm.
[00:02:33] And, you know, we're guilty too. We have, I don't know, like three.
[00:02:38] Mm-hmm.
[00:02:39] And nothing like the Christmases that I remember growing up.
[00:02:43] Not much like it, right?
[00:02:45] So there's no wonder that we're stressed, you know, and data, you know, supports it.
[00:02:53] Studies show that while Christmas should be first and foremost a joyful time, you know,
[00:03:01] over half of people say that it brings stress in their life.
[00:03:07] And over half say that as they, the closer they get to December, the higher level of stress they feel.
[00:03:13] Mm-hmm.
[00:03:13] And, you know, it's just, it's just sad.
[00:03:16] I mean, that's a, that's an awful lot of people who, what should be a time of coming together with those you love,
[00:03:22] your friends, your family, those that you care about, and, and really, you know, focusing in on some of that.
[00:03:28] It should be a good time.
[00:03:29] It's, uh, it's stress.
[00:03:30] Well, you know, there's so much going on.
[00:03:32] I mean, think about your own schedule as you head into the holidays, you know, what, what you're doing,
[00:03:37] what y'all are doing as a family and as a couple.
[00:03:40] And, you know, you're doing things, I'm sure, with your friends and, and those that are listening that have children, you know,
[00:03:47] they've got school events, potentially, you know, church and community events.
[00:03:51] Yep.
[00:03:51] And you may have more than one child in a different grade and you're doing all these things and work parties and, you know,
[00:03:58] friend parties and all the good things.
[00:04:01] Those are all great things, but you know, we, we all only have so much time and capacity that we can, can give to.
[00:04:09] So it makes it difficult.
[00:04:11] Well, it doesn't.
[00:04:11] Okay.
[00:04:12] Here's an authentic question.
[00:04:14] Let's get real for a minute.
[00:04:15] Okay.
[00:04:15] I want you to be honest.
[00:04:16] I'll be honest.
[00:04:17] You be honest.
[00:04:19] Do you sometimes feel that Christmas, the holiday season and what we do is a competition.
[00:04:26] Like you look over there, like, I'll be honest.
[00:04:28] I find myself like I'm looking over there going, okay, they're doing that.
[00:04:31] So we need to do that.
[00:04:32] Okay.
[00:04:32] They're putting this.
[00:04:33] So we got to, you know what I'm saying?
[00:04:34] That wasn't on my schedule.
[00:04:35] I got to get it on my schedule.
[00:04:36] I got to get it on there.
[00:04:37] Yeah.
[00:04:37] We got to, we got to do the, you know, the lights.
[00:04:40] We got to go look at the lights.
[00:04:41] You got to look at the lights.
[00:04:41] We got to go ice skating.
[00:04:43] We've got to.
[00:04:43] Got to do it.
[00:04:44] Got to do it.
[00:04:44] Got to do the angel tree.
[00:04:46] We've got to, yeah.
[00:04:48] Well, this got to go.
[00:04:50] And I think that that steals some of our joy.
[00:04:53] Yeah.
[00:04:54] Yeah.
[00:04:55] Well, we, you know, stress does things to us.
[00:04:57] We all know that.
[00:04:59] And even our personality, it's good for us to understand what stress is doing to us.
[00:05:04] In particular holiday stress.
[00:05:06] You know, what, what does that look like?
[00:05:08] How do we head into the holidays already in a stress mode?
[00:05:12] And, and what does that look like from a personality standpoint?
[00:05:16] What is the environment?
[00:05:17] What are we already setting up or producing for ourselves, for others as we move into it?
[00:05:24] You know, that's something as we think about personality.
[00:05:27] You know, you're, you're that, that, that monkey, that lion and your wife is a camel.
[00:05:34] And you know what, that environment wanting to do all the things, wanting to cook all the food, all the, you know, what does it do to us?
[00:05:43] Um, what do we move into the holidays already in a mode that, you know, can cause us not to enjoy it the way that we might want to.
[00:05:52] I know.
[00:05:53] And it, and it, and it doesn't help.
[00:05:54] I'm going to get on a soapbox for one minute and then I'm getting right back off.
[00:05:58] Okay.
[00:05:58] So it doesn't help when you get on, um, social media and you get on that Facebook and you look
[00:06:06] and you scroll and you see all these things that other families are doing, all these wonderful, beautiful pictures.
[00:06:11] The hat, their, the glimpse into their house and oh my goodness, their tree and you know what their tree looks like and their countertop looks like.
[00:06:23] And oh my goodness, their, their bedrooms, you know, you have the coordinating, you know, Christmas comforter, the Christmas pillow, the sheets.
[00:06:33] Who can do this?
[00:06:35] Right.
[00:06:35] And you think it's real.
[00:06:37] If you're not careful, you think it's real.
[00:06:38] And, and what it is, it's staged.
[00:06:40] It's just like, I think of it like if you're going to look at a home, they stage the home.
[00:06:44] Well, you know, to buy and really pretty, make it really pretty.
[00:06:47] So, you know, they stage all this as if this is the way we live.
[00:06:50] Well, that puts pressure on everybody.
[00:06:52] Oh, why can't we have that?
[00:06:54] Why don't we do that?
[00:06:55] So we've got to think about, you know, what do we do?
[00:06:58] How we're, we're leadership, right?
[00:07:00] We're about leadership.
[00:07:01] We're a leadership company.
[00:07:02] And so, so let's talk about how do we lead the holidays?
[00:07:07] You know, there's stress there.
[00:07:09] There's tension at times, but how do we make sure that we're, we're leading as moms, as dads, as friends, as, you know, what do we choose to do?
[00:07:21] How do we step into these holidays and get in the mode of let's lead it versus it happening to us and kind of taking us to a place where we don't want to be.
[00:07:31] That's right.
[00:07:31] And the first thing that comes to my mind is, is intentionality.
[00:07:36] We've got to be intentional with this first.
[00:07:38] Like you just said, we've got to leave this.
[00:07:40] So I want to give everybody permission.
[00:07:42] All right.
[00:07:42] If you're listening, give you, I'm giving you permission to be intentional about stepping into this holiday season differently.
[00:07:48] All right.
[00:07:49] So what does that look like?
[00:07:50] Let's say we're going to be intentional.
[00:07:52] Okay.
[00:07:52] What are we going to be intentional about?
[00:07:53] Right.
[00:07:54] I think the first, how do you, how do you be intentional?
[00:07:57] You know, how, how do you make sure you do that, that you're slowing down to give yourself time to even think and process it.
[00:08:04] It's a great, it's a great thought.
[00:08:06] You can't be intentional if you keep running at the same pace you've been at, right?
[00:08:09] And just falling into the next thing that you have to, let's, let's stop the train for a minute.
[00:08:13] As we head into this holiday or continue into the holiday season, we kind of, as this podcast is being released, we're through Thanksgiving.
[00:08:20] Now we're headed to, to, you know, the Christmas or holiday season.
[00:08:25] So let's, let's think about that for a minute, slow down for a minute and let's make some choices.
[00:08:30] Let's realize we get to choose how we deal with, with Christmas.
[00:08:34] It is a choice.
[00:08:35] And, and so I think the first thing that we can do is to think about the expectations that we have for ourself and the expectations that we have for others.
[00:08:45] I think it, you know, that, that looks like, so how do you want Christmas holiday season to be?
[00:08:53] Yeah.
[00:08:54] How, how do you want that to be?
[00:08:55] You know, I think that a lot of times we don't realize what expectations that we have for ourself or for others because we're running so fast and, and we don't slow down to really assess that and think that through.
[00:09:09] We're just moving and doing, and so we're operating in a mode where, you know, we don't have much time to, to really think intentionally think forward, kind of think about what we want something to look like and make sure they're reasonable.
[00:09:23] Make sure that expectation is appropriate.
[00:09:26] Make sure that it is something that, you know, can really happen in, in a time that, you know, we have to work with.
[00:09:34] So here's what that looks like.
[00:09:36] If I want to have an experience at Christmas for my children, where we share with one another, where we, we talk about things we don't normally talk about, whether it's however we celebrate this season.
[00:09:51] If I want that to happen, then I got to set the expectation that, you know what, we're going to slow down on this day.
[00:09:58] We're going to slow down here and we're going to just have some good conversation.
[00:10:02] We're going to have some good family time.
[00:10:03] We're going to have some good friend time, whatever that is.
[00:10:07] I'm going to set the expectation that we're not going to keep our pedal to the metal, if you will, full throttle.
[00:10:13] We're going to listen, everybody.
[00:10:14] Hey, we're going to slow down.
[00:10:15] We're going to give ourselves, we're going to create some space to have a lower key time.
[00:10:21] And we're not going to allow the overwhelming busyness of Christmas to invade our relationship.
[00:10:28] And so therefore I'm going to, I'm going to find the space to slow down and just be, and just, and we're going to slow down and talk.
[00:10:36] And we're going to, you know, to do that, you've got to give yourself some permission to, to function that way,
[00:10:42] especially if it's different than what you, how you have been functioning, what it has looked like.
[00:10:48] You know, that's allowing yourself to say, Hey, I am going to make this different.
[00:10:54] I'm, I'm, I am going to choose.
[00:10:56] And with that might come some discomfort because, you know, I'm used to doing it at this, this speed or this rate.
[00:11:02] And I'm not going to do it that way this time.
[00:11:06] Yeah. And I think it's important to realize you can't, you can't meet all of your expectations, even for yourself.
[00:11:13] You certainly can't meet all the expectations for those around you because they have expectations that may not be meetable.
[00:11:20] They may be irrational.
[00:11:21] They may cause you to have more stress, right?
[00:11:23] So you have to draw those boundaries or priorities.
[00:11:26] You have to go, okay, here are the top three things that are important to me.
[00:11:30] It's important to have time to have conversation that I'm going to make that happen.
[00:11:35] Um, it, you know, it's important that we have some traditions that we, that we uphold.
[00:11:40] So I'm going to work on those traditions and we're going to, you know, spend, or it's important to have a meal and we're going to share a meal together.
[00:11:47] I'm going to, those are my priorities.
[00:11:49] We've got some conversation.
[00:11:50] We're going to do a couple of traditions and we're going to have a meal again.
[00:11:53] See how I've just prioritized that in my own head.
[00:11:56] And, and I think that helps me not to say, I've got to be all things to all people.
[00:12:01] I've got to be at every event.
[00:12:02] I've got to make everything I've got.
[00:12:04] No, I don't.
[00:12:05] I can prioritize what's important to me.
[00:12:07] Right.
[00:12:08] You know, and doing that, setting those priorities and heading into the holidays with, you know, knowing things are going to, going to pick up speed.
[00:12:18] The pace is going to pick up, you know, that can give you parameters to function in.
[00:12:24] It can help you say no to some things.
[00:12:26] Yeah.
[00:12:26] It can help you say yes to some things.
[00:12:31] That's right.
[00:12:32] It can help you.
[00:12:33] It can help you make the decisions that you have to make.
[00:12:36] Because we all know things pop up.
[00:12:37] More things pop up.
[00:12:38] Sure.
[00:12:39] Over the holidays and opportunities.
[00:12:41] Again, good things to, to do.
[00:12:44] But being able to have a train of thought going in so that I'm not reactive.
[00:12:50] Right.
[00:12:51] I'm, I'm thinking this through.
[00:12:53] So I don't have to react.
[00:12:55] Yeah.
[00:12:55] Because we know a reaction produces a reaction in somebody else and produces a chain of behavior.
[00:13:01] And so to back up and to really be able to use it as the parameters of, of how I'm going to move through the holidays is, I think, a powerful thing.
[00:13:12] Set those parameters, set those, set those boundaries and prioritize what is important.
[00:13:16] And then once you do that, don't forget to communicate that, you know, to, to say just directly, Hey, these are the things that are important.
[00:13:23] These are the things I'm going to do.
[00:13:25] Um, make sure you communicate that to those in your life.
[00:13:28] Yeah.
[00:13:28] Get along that.
[00:13:29] Get along that.
[00:13:30] And that's so good.
[00:13:32] You know, whether, um, you know, it's, it's your spouse, your partner, your friend, your, you know, whoever that you're engaging with over the holidays to bring people in.
[00:13:42] Mm-hmm .
[00:13:42] And help them feel a part of the plan, right?
[00:13:45] Getting aligned together so that you feel like you're on the same page and that you can, you know, you can together with those that are going to be with you, you can produce the environment that you want to, you want to create.
[00:13:58] I think that's it.
[00:13:59] And once you do that, let's not be afraid to be in the moment.
[00:14:04] Let's, let's be present.
[00:14:06] We, we know our expectations, set our priorities.
[00:14:08] We've communicated.
[00:14:09] Now let's be present.
[00:14:10] Let's give ourselves permission to, to, instead of worrying about what's coming in, we've already prioritized.
[00:14:16] We've already, instead of worrying about what other people are doing, instead of scrolling and seeing what everybody's doing.
[00:14:20] No, no, no.
[00:14:21] Let's be in the moment as we walk through this season, recognizing the opportunities that we have to speak into the lives of others.
[00:14:30] Mm-hmm .
[00:14:31] To celebrate this season in the way that we want to celebrate it.
[00:14:35] Let's be in that moment.
[00:14:37] Let's be in that moment and don't allow our joy to be stolen by unrealistic expectations and competition and busyness.
[00:14:44] You know, we get to, we get to choose that.
[00:14:46] We have, we have to be cognizant to be in that moment, right?
[00:14:49] Yeah.
[00:14:49] And let it bring some confidence to you that you're doing something different.
[00:14:53] You want something a little different.
[00:14:56] You know, you're taking the action to make that happen and to produce that.
[00:15:01] And so that can bring some confidence when you might have a hard situation where you're saying no to something that you really want to say yes to, but you just can't work it into your schedule.
[00:15:13] You know, giving yourself the ability to, to build that.
[00:15:17] I thought this through and I planned this and I, you know, I was intentional about it and I can act in this.
[00:15:25] Mm-hmm .
[00:15:25] That's so good.
[00:15:25] I want to take just a minute and, and speak to those who have, um, who, who've lost a loved one.
[00:15:32] This may be the first Christmas without them or the second or whatever it is for you.
[00:15:38] It's okay to grieve.
[00:15:40] Mm-hmm .
[00:15:40] It's okay.
[00:15:40] This should be hard.
[00:15:42] Don't try to, to, uh, fake your way through this to try to be, you know, I've got to be joyful.
[00:15:47] I should be feeling joy, but I feel sad.
[00:15:50] I feel, I feel sad about the loss.
[00:15:52] It's okay.
[00:15:53] I, I challenge you to give yourself permission to grieve, um, pull those around you who are close
[00:15:57] to you, um, use their strength, but be authentic about that.
[00:16:02] It's okay.
[00:16:03] Set some time aside just to think about, uh, your loved one and, and their legacy and, or, or,
[00:16:09] or what you need to do to grieve them and, and do that.
[00:16:13] You know, be intentional about that as well.
[00:16:15] It's okay.
[00:16:16] Just because it's the holiday season, just because it's Christmas doesn't mean that, oh, I'm automatically
[00:16:21] hat.
[00:16:21] No, this is hard.
[00:16:23] Mm-hmm.
[00:16:23] Mm-hmm.
[00:16:23] And what you're going through is hard.
[00:16:25] So we want to honor that.
[00:16:26] Mm-hmm.
[00:16:27] Give yourself permission to grieve and then give yourself permission to move forward and
[00:16:31] to, to experience some, some joy in that.
[00:16:34] And, and, and I think that'll help you.
[00:16:37] You don't have to be, once again, you don't have to be somebody you're not.
[00:16:41] You don't have to meet the expectations of others.
[00:16:42] You're in a hard season, right?
[00:16:44] Mm-hmm.
[00:16:44] So here's the deal.
[00:16:46] And this holiday stress, um, and you know, take, take the, the, the opportunity to set
[00:16:50] expectations for yourself.
[00:16:52] Uh, make sure you prioritize those.
[00:16:54] What are the top three things, you know, be, be very, uh, intentional about that and
[00:16:59] then communicate.
[00:17:01] Make sure you communicate.
[00:17:02] So we're setting expectations.
[00:17:04] We're prioritizing and we're communicating to those around us what that is.
[00:17:07] And we're going to be in the moment.
[00:17:09] We're going to, we're going to be in that moment, give ourself permission to, to experience
[00:17:13] what we've done as we've had this intentionality, we've done all this self work.
[00:17:17] Let's experience that.
[00:17:18] Let's enjoy that.
[00:17:19] And then of course, if you have a lost, uh, have lost a loved one, give yourself permission
[00:17:24] to agree.
[00:17:24] Before we close this thing, I want to stop just a minute, Melissa.
[00:17:28] There are a lot of ways to celebrate the holidays.
[00:17:30] Some of our, our dear friends celebrating, uh, whether it's, it's a Hanukkah, whether it's
[00:17:35] Christmas, whether it's the holiday season, whatever you're celebrating, we want to honor
[00:17:39] that.
[00:17:39] Uh, we, you and I celebrate Christmas and we personally celebrate the birth of Jesus.
[00:17:46] And, um, and I think it's important that, um, as, as followers of Jesus, that we realize,
[00:17:53] and I have to just say this, that Christmas is not about all of this stuff we make it about
[00:17:58] that for us, Christmas.
[00:18:00] Right.
[00:18:00] And I'm sure our other friends who are celebrating other, other things this holiday season.
[00:18:04] Uh, let's go back to the why.
[00:18:06] I have to bring us back there as we do these things that are going to help us with our
[00:18:09] stress.
[00:18:10] Let's stop and remember the why of Christmas.
[00:18:13] And for us, for us, the why is because God sent his son, wow, to be born.
[00:18:19] He gave us a beautiful, wonderful gift, Jesus, who has made the ultimate difference in my
[00:18:25] life and in your life.
[00:18:26] Uh, and so we celebrate that and we need to bring ourselves back to that.
[00:18:30] I think that's the starting point to lowering that stress level at Christmas.
[00:18:34] That's our grounding point that helps us know why we want to function the way that, that we
[00:18:41] want to, and why we want to give and be focused on helping others, helping our family.
[00:18:46] Such a blessing.
[00:18:47] That's our one.
[00:18:48] Yeah.
[00:18:49] So we hope this has helped you.
[00:18:50] We hope that our conversation, if we just kind of talk some of this out, we were going
[00:18:54] through the same stuff, guys, we're, we're battling this stress just like you, but we
[00:18:58] hope what we've talked about today has helped you as you continue on into this holiday time
[00:19:03] and this holiday season.
[00:19:04] I almost forgot.
[00:19:06] Do I have a joke for you?
[00:19:08] All right.
[00:19:09] Let's hear it.
[00:19:10] Let's hear it.
[00:19:10] I love it.
[00:19:11] It is.
[00:19:12] I wish I could say that it was a holiday joke.
[00:19:15] It would be so good.
[00:19:16] It's not really a holiday joke, but what else is new with me?
[00:19:19] Right.
[00:19:19] I'm always kind of out there.
[00:19:20] So here we go.
[00:19:21] Are you ready for the dad joke guys?
[00:19:24] The dad joke.
[00:19:24] I almost forgot that.
[00:19:25] Oh my goodness.
[00:19:26] Okay.
[00:19:26] You ready?
[00:19:26] Bring it on.
[00:19:27] All right, here we go.
[00:19:28] What did, what did the monkey say when he caught his tail in the door?
[00:19:36] Hmm.
[00:19:37] What did the monkey say when he caught his tail in the door?
[00:19:41] Hmm.
[00:19:43] It won't be long now.
[00:19:49] We hope you have a wonderful Christmas.
[00:19:52] Enjoy.
[00:19:53] Enjoy your family.
[00:19:55] Maybe tell some dad jokes.
[00:19:56] Maybe not tell some dad jokes.
[00:19:58] Yes.
[00:19:58] No, tell them.
[00:19:59] They're awesome guys.
[00:20:00] Y'all have a great, have a great holiday season.
[00:20:02] We'll look forward to seeing you next year.
[00:20:04] We're excited about this.
[00:20:06] We'll be back in January and we look forward to being together on Crossing the Line.
[00:20:10] Happy holidays, everybody.
[00:20:12] Merry Christmas.