Sales and Cigars | Terry Bean | How To Get Your Mind Working For You? | Episode 175

[00:00:00] Hey everyone, Walter Crosby with Helix Sales Development, your host of Sales & Cigars.

[00:00:04] Today's episode, my guest is Terry Bean. I'm in Michigan outside of Detroit.

[00:00:09] Terry is like two towns over from me. We're actually kind of neighbors. He's been around

[00:00:15] the Detroit area for a long time, does a lot of speaking engagements, has written three books.

[00:00:21] In the topic today, we talk about mindset and how we need to be able to take care of ourselves

[00:00:30] that sort of self-care idea, but not in this like mushy feely kind of thing. Like how to do it if

[00:00:36] you're, you know, how women have a natural ability to do this and men have a struggle with this a

[00:00:41] little bit. And it's talking about how we get rid of some of the baggage and the trash that

[00:00:45] we carry around. So go grab a cocktail, grab a cigar, strap in for another exciting episode

[00:00:52] of Sales & Cigars. So Terry, welcome to Sales & Cigars. I appreciate you taking some time to

[00:01:20] jump on the program. Thanks, Walter. I'm glad to be here, man. I feel like I'm missing out.

[00:01:25] I should have a stick with me. Although my wife would absolutely whoop my butt if I was

[00:01:29] sitting in here smoking one. Well, if I was in the house, it would be a serious problem.

[00:01:35] Sometimes I have to shower before I get into bed if I've had a couple of them.

[00:01:42] That's the goal here, man. Drop the clothes at the laundry,

[00:01:46] up in the shower, and then maybe she'll say hello. Maybe. Yeah, there were, I mean, my office is in

[00:01:54] my pole barn on my property. So I'm only like 60, 70 steps from my door, but I can be out here

[00:02:00] and have two or three cigars in the evening. And it's pungent when I go in. And all she

[00:02:07] does is just point to the master bath. And hey, I'm not going to argue with her because

[00:02:14] it does stink after you, when you're not enjoying it. So she has a point.

[00:02:20] And she's never wrong, as I'm told. She might be married to the same lady. Oh my goodness.

[00:02:28] Well, yeah, that's cool, man. We're two minutes, not even two minutes in,

[00:02:31] and we're already in trouble. It's good. Well, I don't know about your wife,

[00:02:34] but mine will never see this. So I'm good. Well, I'm 159 drop today,

[00:02:41] she's never listened to one. I don't care about sales and I don't like cigars, so why would I

[00:02:48] listen? Right. These topics don't interest me, Walter. So I'm going to just pass.

[00:02:52] Well, thanks for the support. Yeah, man. Let me ask a question I ask most of the guests.

[00:03:03] And it's a little tricky when I'm talking to an author. But is there a book that you think

[00:03:11] you know, if I'm an entrepreneur and I'm in it for two or three years,

[00:03:19] and what kind of book would you recommend that somebody like that read?

[00:03:26] You got something that you think is important? So I've got three. And the last one will be a

[00:03:31] little self-serving, but the first two will be less so. The first one that I tell people to

[00:03:37] read all the time is a book called Way of the Peaceful Warrior. It was written by Dan Millman,

[00:03:44] probably 30 some years ago, maybe even 40. And it's a brilliant journey into who we can be

[00:03:53] if we choose to be. So I'm a huge fan of that. They actually made a movie out of it

[00:03:59] called Peaceful Warrior if you're more inclined to see it for a few hours. Great movie.

[00:04:05] Nick Nolte was in it and a couple of other folks. So does the movie represent the book?

[00:04:12] It's I would say it's about 82 percent spot on. Right. It's not it's not a full 100 percent,

[00:04:19] but one is a movie ever been. But both are both are enjoyable. Of course, like the book

[00:04:25] better. But you know, I thought they did a good job with the movie. And so that's one.

[00:04:31] Number two, and I think this if this book was required sixth grade reading, the world would be

[00:04:38] a better place in a generation. And that book's called The Four Agreements. It was written by a

[00:04:43] guy named Don Miguel Ruez. And in short, the four agreements are be impeccable with your word.

[00:04:50] Basically don't gossip about people and make sure you're minding your self-talk.

[00:04:54] Number two is don't make assumptions. I don't think I have to explain that.

[00:04:59] Number three is don't take things personally. And to be honest, I may have two and three mixed up.

[00:05:05] I usually do in the fourth agreements always do your best. Right. And it's recognizing that from

[00:05:12] day to day, from even minute to minute, your best is going to change. But as long as you're

[00:05:16] doing the best in the moment in which you find yourself, things are going to work out just

[00:05:20] fine. That would be so impactful. Just just the one agreement of like not taking shit

[00:05:27] personally. Like when somebody says something that they disagree with, they don't need to go,

[00:05:33] you know, take a walk around the block and decompress themselves. Right. Yeah. I don't need

[00:05:38] a safe space. I know that you're not even talking about me, man. You're talking about

[00:05:43] something that happened to you four minutes before I walked in the door.

[00:05:47] Right. And we forget where we're so ego centered that we think everything's about us.

[00:05:52] And the reality is most people are just busy trying to get through their day. They might care

[00:05:57] about you, but trust me, they don't care about you. Not in the way that you think they do.

[00:06:02] No, that's right. That's right, man. So that one is that that book, again, required sixth grade

[00:06:10] reading changes consciousness. I love that. What's the third one? The third one's a little

[00:06:17] ditty that I put out last year. It's called finding harmony in the fucks you give. And so

[00:06:24] it's kind of a grouping of all the different knowledge bases that I've taken in from stoic

[00:06:29] philosophy, from metaphysics, from the books I just mentioned, from communication skills,

[00:06:35] from psychology. And it's really a book about mindset matters and it's got a bunch

[00:06:41] of activities in it. And the idea is for you to figure out what matters most to you.

[00:06:47] We get so bent out of shape about stuff that happened or stuff that may happen. And it's

[00:06:54] because we never really took into account, what do I really care about? What's really dang

[00:07:00] important to me? What are the priorities? Because just that don't take things personally.

[00:07:05] There's a whole bunch of baggage we carry around that we can just set down if we knew

[00:07:11] what baggage was in ours. That's so true. Some people need two or three valets to help them

[00:07:18] get their baggage, right? To the car, to the door. That's Mark Twainline, not mine. I'm

[00:07:26] not taking credit for that. Well, it's a damn good one. And that doesn't surprise me.

[00:07:31] He's one of the two guys, and I'm going to ask you this, he's one of the two guys that

[00:07:37] say if you could bring anybody back to sit on a park bench or go have a dinner with,

[00:07:40] who would it be? Mark Twain's on my list. Who's on yours? He's on my list. I think one, he's a

[00:07:48] cigar guy. He would smoke 10 to 12 cigars a day. And wildly entertaining, funny, I love to laugh.

[00:07:59] And the other person, is it dead or alive? It doesn't matter, right? Dead or alive.

[00:08:05] I would like to get in the head of, this is going to be weird, Genghis Khan. He did some

[00:08:16] amazing things around strategy and he was a little jacked up when it come to, you know,

[00:08:23] people didn't agree with him. They didn't live very long. But he was really big into loyalty.

[00:08:30] I'd really like to unpack some of the things that got disconnected and connected in his brain.

[00:08:38] I know that's a way outside one, but I think we could learn from other people's mistakes.

[00:08:47] He was rather successful at what he did, and he brought people together. Some of it was through

[00:08:54] intimidation and fear. But yeah, Genghis Khan and Mark Twain, what about you? Who's the other?

[00:09:01] The second one is Ben Franklin for me, right? Because that dude had a fascinating life and the

[00:09:08] amount of things that we still have today as a result of his efforts really impressed me. And

[00:09:15] from what little I've read, evidently he had quite the appetite in many different areas.

[00:09:22] For women. He worked his way through the French court a couple of times over.

[00:09:29] He wasn't exactly Brad Pitt. No, he didn't look like it, man. None of the pictures I saw made

[00:09:34] him look like the handsome devil that could be pulling that off. But a hell of a lot of

[00:09:39] personality. Charming is all get out, right? And so it goes a long way and it gives people

[00:09:46] that look like me hope, man. It really does. Well, that's a really good choice.

[00:10:01] His inventor side of him is curiosity, right? There's a certain amount of skepticism.

[00:10:08] He was a hell of a sales guy in terms of brokering deals with all those. In the room when the

[00:10:18] founding fathers were working out details of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence,

[00:10:24] they looked at Jefferson to go do the smart stuff and do the writing. But he was able

[00:10:31] to get people to sit down and actually have a conversation and talk to each other just

[00:10:36] because he was Ben Franklin. Yeah, and it's interesting because Mark Twain once famously

[00:10:44] quipped about Ben Franklin. He said, it was said that Ben Franklin walked into Philadelphia

[00:10:50] with nothing but the shirt on his back and two loaves of bread under his arms.

[00:10:55] Hell, anybody could have done that. So those two I think would be just so fun to sit and

[00:11:02] have way too much share your port with or bourbon or whatever they were drinking back in the day,

[00:11:08] man. Yeah, I think they were wine drinkers and I don't know what the hell Mark drank, but

[00:11:15] that's interesting. So let's talk about mindset because I think before I hit the record button,

[00:11:24] we were talking about various things around culture and the society today. And mindset,

[00:11:31] we could go down what we're doing as individuals, how we behave, what we bring to the party with

[00:11:39] the baggage and the things we should let go of. I've been studying stoicism for a while.

[00:11:47] Studying is a loose term, but the book behind me there, Meditations, I think is

[00:11:55] classic. It's one that I read a couple times a year. And what's interesting about it is that

[00:12:03] he didn't intend, it wasn't a book. It was just his thoughts and somehow that survived

[00:12:13] to as a real, probably the first journal or type guy, if that's a word.

[00:12:19] And there's a lot of great things that came out of it.

[00:12:24] Pretty wild to think that a Roman emperor would have the time and the energy

[00:12:31] and just the mindset to jot some of that stuff down, right? Because he was kind of busy

[00:12:39] running the largest empire that arguably the world's ever known. So it's pretty cool that

[00:12:46] he was still making time to do things that mattered to him. And I think from a mindset

[00:12:53] perspective, one of the things that I've really appreciated over the past couple of years is

[00:12:58] this notion of self-care has finally come into vogue a little bit. And I do a lot of speaking

[00:13:05] when I talk to men's groups and I talk to women's groups and obviously I talk to mixed

[00:13:09] groups a lot too. But the women in particular need to be booking time for self-care.

[00:13:17] And I'm pretty good about it, right? We've got buddies we go hang out with, screw around with,

[00:13:21] whether we're at the gym or on the golf course or at the cigar bar or whatever. But

[00:13:25] women need to be making sure that they're putting themselves on the list. I don't think

[00:13:31] they're ever going to get to a point where they put themselves first, right? I don't think

[00:13:35] that works, especially if you are a wife and have kids at home in a job and all the things.

[00:13:43] To be a mom it's hard to put yourself first when you're...

[00:13:48] That's it. I was watching a Chelsea Handler, the comedian bit the other day. She's like,

[00:13:53] people are asking me, when are you going to be a mother? And I'm like, I don't want to be

[00:13:56] a mother. I want to be a divorced dad. I would be fantastic in that role. That would be great.

[00:14:05] I could be a stepfather. Nobody expects shit from a stepfather. I could do that.

[00:14:10] It was cracking me up, but you're right. So it's hard for women in particular to prioritize

[00:14:17] that self-care. And if you're a lady in sales, you absolutely need to because you

[00:14:23] got to show up with your best in every single interaction, just like men do. Men aren't excused

[00:14:29] for showing up with their best, but it's easier to attain that when you're taking some care of

[00:14:37] yourself. They have an advantage and a disadvantage, right? Everybody does. But if they're

[00:14:45] not doing their best, they quickly get discounted in the sales roles that they don't have. And some

[00:14:53] of the best salespeople that I work with are women. They have that nurturing quality

[00:15:04] that guys like you and I... I remember when I was doing sales training,

[00:15:10] I worked with Jerry Weinberg. And Jerry would tell us, you can say whatever you want to anybody

[00:15:17] at any time, you just have to say it nurturingly. And he would say nurturingly three times.

[00:15:24] So we would do role plays and things. And I would say something. He's like,

[00:15:30] Walter, we said nurturingly. You got to do it nurturingly. I'm like, I'm not a mom.

[00:15:38] Right? I don't have any of those qualities about me. But this is all about acting, right? You

[00:15:44] got to try to tamp that asshole part of you down so that you can be more nurturing. And

[00:15:50] I think in sales, if you have that natural ability and you throw a little

[00:15:54] curiosity on top of that and maybe a little skepticism from time to time,

[00:15:59] they also have the empathy that's needed. It's a natural thing. And they just have to be

[00:16:05] comfortable going out talking to people. But at the same time, there's still a lot of guys that

[00:16:14] don't think of them as an equal. And so from a self-care point of view, you're going beyond

[00:16:23] the... You're talking about psychological self-care, about taking time for yourself

[00:16:28] to be able... Even in a marriage, my wife has things that she enjoys doing that I want no part of.

[00:16:37] And there's things that I do that she wants no part of. And we're perfectly cool with

[00:16:44] doing those things separately because we have enough other things that we can do together.

[00:16:53] You might be saving this, by the way, on the off chance she listens. Tell her to fast forward

[00:16:56] to right about now. Yeah, well, we got 1546. I'll remember that. Hey honey, I was talking about you.

[00:17:04] Pretty much what I say in general, we're not hiding the weenie after 25 years. She pretty

[00:17:13] much knows what she's got. I've always said that she's super smart, really top shelf in her

[00:17:20] profession, but we got to question her judgment because she married. Which I've said to her in

[00:17:29] public, I've said to her at parties, I've said it to her old boss and it always gets a chuckle,

[00:17:35] but she's still not comfortable with it. She still thinks it's a shot and it's not.

[00:17:40] It's a compliment. It's right. It's a shot, but it's a shot at me, not at you.

[00:17:45] Exactly. For guys, for the self care, I've always had people in my life that

[00:17:56] I could call up and say, I got a thing I need to talk to you about. That meant we needed to go

[00:18:02] either have a drink or go have lunch and it didn't wait. It was dealt with in 48 hours.

[00:18:11] To me, that's part of what you're talking about. Hey, thanks for being part of Sales

[00:18:14] and Cigars. I wanted to share a new project that we just launched. I wrote a new book called

[00:18:20] Scale Your Sales. It's written for the CEO. It's a short, powerful book that explains the

[00:18:26] seven critical mistakes that CEOs make with their sales organization. It provides actionable

[00:18:32] steps that you can take to fix those problems in your business today. It might even help you

[00:18:38] get out of the sales seat yourself. I appreciate you listening to Sales and Cigars. You can find

[00:18:44] this book on Amazon or wherever you buy books. Thanks. Women are actually good at that. Women

[00:18:50] know how to communicate their feelings, their ideas, their challenges. Most of them,

[00:18:57] albeit small, they have a tight group of people. It could be sisters or it could be

[00:19:03] girlfriends from 30 years ago. Guys have a harder time doing the let's talk about my

[00:19:10] feelings or what's going on. Especially guys of a certain age or of a certain hair color,

[00:19:17] mostly white. It's an interesting piece that we've got to get better at as males

[00:19:24] and having those communications. Women, just like I said, making time for themselves.

[00:19:32] It's important and it's relevant. It's a good place to be able to grow. I don't want to make

[00:19:40] fun of safe spaces again, but it is. You got to have that open area trust where you can communicate

[00:19:47] because that's how you drop the baggage, man. If you're not going to sit with it and face it,

[00:19:54] right? There's that old fake it till you make it, which is bullshit advice.

[00:20:00] The new spin on that is face it till you make it. Whether you're sitting with the pain or

[00:20:05] the anguish or the trauma or the BS, whatever, you got to deal with it and process it.

[00:20:12] One way to deal with it is to talk it out with somebody who cares about you,

[00:20:18] who is willing to take that garbage from you so you're not carrying it anymore. Hopefully,

[00:20:24] that person's smart enough or strong enough to take that garbage from you and then set it down.

[00:20:31] Too often those people that take it from us internalize it. It's like, whoa, dude,

[00:20:34] that's not your job. That's not even your trash. You don't need to take that anywhere. You kick

[00:20:39] that right to the curb. I think that's a really good way to describe it because

[00:20:45] I've never had 20 guys that I could call up and do that with. There's always been one or two

[00:20:51] at any given time. I've lost some of those guys over the years. I'm not comfortable just

[00:20:57] sharing weirdness or a big problem with a general group of friends. It's usually that one person that

[00:21:07] there's a language that you don't have to explain all of the other things. The backstory is known.

[00:21:15] The shorthand's already done, yeah, exactly.

[00:21:17] Exactly, shorthand. I'm thinking of when I was younger, there was a guy that I could call up

[00:21:25] and he would do the same to me. He'd call me up and say, hey, we need to go have a picture of

[00:21:28] margaritas. That was code for like I need to talk to you about something. We did it around

[00:21:38] alcohol but nobody got lit up. It was like deal with the problem. To me, it was a lot like

[00:21:47] sales where you would listen to the individual who had the issue. Jimmy would listen to me

[00:21:56] and I would listen to him when it was his thing. You would really just let him talk, get it all

[00:22:01] out, take that trash and then this is your problem. Yeah, that's a problem. Well, it's

[00:22:09] bullshit. You go set it over here and then you help them see why that was bullshit. We didn't

[00:22:17] have all of the skills that we have as we got older but you cared. If the person didn't

[00:22:25] care, they weren't going to be able to do that. They had to give you the space to be

[00:22:31] vulnerable and you had to trust them to do that. I don't know how you get through life

[00:22:41] without having somebody to offload some of that baggage but there are people.

[00:22:49] We both kind of think of the safe place as the way society refers to it now but

[00:22:57] that safe place to me was like I could talk to my parents when I was a kid. I could talk to my

[00:23:03] buddies. I can talk to my wife about things but it's not being driven from some like

[00:23:14] you hurt my feelings. It's more of I have this thing that I need to deal with and I should

[00:23:19] deal with it and I know I need to deal with it but you're dealing with it. You're not just

[00:23:23] hiding from it. That's the face it part and that's the piece that's so important

[00:23:31] and sometimes it takes that sounding board. I tell people, I'll be the mirror for you.

[00:23:39] I'll sit here and hold up the mirror and show you exactly what you're not seeing.

[00:23:46] It's an important lesson because we miss out on that stuff because sometimes we're just too close

[00:23:53] to it and you can't see the forest through the trees so to speak. It's one of those things

[00:24:01] where if you don't have a person or a couple of people like that in your corner,

[00:24:08] it gets a lot harder to deal with that stuff because then you got to go grab that mental

[00:24:14] scalpel and you got to cut that BS out of your head and any good surgeon will tell you

[00:24:21] it's really hard to operate on yourself. I would think the whole anesthesia thing would be

[00:24:28] problematic. You can pay a professional to get you there which is maybe an alternative

[00:24:37] but I don't even think you can go have that conversation with the friend

[00:24:43] if you haven't sat with it, tried to figure it out, come to some sort of conclusion.

[00:24:50] Even if it's wildly wrong, you go help that person who holds up the mirror for you and

[00:24:55] you can actually see it but you got to go do that work first I think.

[00:25:01] It's the hardest part. In an ideal world, you're bringing your friend the three conclusions

[00:25:08] that you came up with and said which one's the best as opposed to let me just vomit all

[00:25:15] over you so I can unpack all this mess right here. I agree that in either scenario,

[00:25:23] you facing it becomes the key element. This is applicable. How many times do we have

[00:25:33] upset clients and we're not even sure what they did or excuse me, what we did to have that issue

[00:25:41] because we have a tendency, not everybody and certainly not high-performing sales professionals

[00:25:48] but a lot of folks avoid difficult discussions. The reality is difficult discussions become a lot

[00:25:57] easier when you focus on what you can control in that conversation as opposed to spinning 74

[00:26:07] things up that might have gone wrong. You could just go and talk about it. If you're

[00:26:13] curious and a good listener and asking the right questions and actually concerned about creating a

[00:26:20] positive outcome, your clients are going to want to engage in that discussion too. Most of the

[00:26:28] people that have invested in you in any way shape or form throughout your career, those

[00:26:34] people want to see you win and we need to keep that in mind. I think there's a

[00:26:42] couple of things there that I think are critical. Having the uncomfortable conversation

[00:26:49] as a salesperson with a client, they're unhappy. Okay, talk to me about it. Well,

[00:26:55] I didn't like this and I didn't like that outcome. All right, well, I understand

[00:27:00] that that makes sense. Let's talk about how we got there. I believe in lowering the resistance.

[00:27:08] Right? Like I heard you. I understand. I would agree. I see why you're upset. Let's figure out a

[00:27:15] way to solve it and if we can't, then we'll deal with that. That can be done professionally,

[00:27:22] personally, doesn't matter. I think you got to be willing to have that. Otherwise,

[00:27:26] it's not worth it and then you just walk away. Most of those problems can be solved

[00:27:32] through communication if folks are willing to have the right conversation and be present for them

[00:27:38] and accept some responsibility. There's a line that I was taught, don't judge me on the

[00:27:45] fact I made a mistake, judge me on how I handle it. Some of that is responsibility

[00:27:52] and some of it is acknowledging what you could do different the next time or learning from it

[00:28:00] or just listening to it. I think that's a human nature. People just want to avoid those things.

[00:28:09] Some of us like confrontation but... Right, right. Yeah. Well, in the accountability,

[00:28:13] things are hard. We got really used to just blaming other people for the things that went

[00:28:17] wrong and now there's an interesting movement about radical accountability and I love that,

[00:28:25] man. Every single thing that's gone wrong in my life is on me, period, all of it.

[00:28:32] Doesn't matter if someone crashed into my car. It's still my fault for having my car there.

[00:28:40] It's not 100% on me but I still have some responsibility for what happened.

[00:28:46] I don't know that it's radical in that we need to get people to be thinking about it differently

[00:28:58] but it's a part of stoicism. You have to own it, you got to realize that this is something

[00:29:05] I can control and this is what I focus on but just because I'm... It's a conversation I have

[00:29:14] with people all the time. I can't make you feel something. I can cause you to have a reaction

[00:29:22] but if you accept that and internalize it and start to think it's real,

[00:29:29] it's really on the individual who's decided to say maybe that person's right.

[00:29:36] We all have that... Maybe they're right. Maybe we kind of have that inclination

[00:29:42] but I'm not taking your trash if I don't agree that it's my trash. If I did something wrong,

[00:29:52] I said something stupid and they did it last night. I made a comment that I probably

[00:29:58] shouldn't have made and got my wife upset and I'm like, I shouldn't have said that.

[00:30:04] Well, you meant it. Yeah, it was different. I shouldn't have said it.

[00:30:08] It's... But that's amazing.

[00:30:10] It's amazing to hear it.

[00:30:13] I mean, there are times when people need to hear things and then there's times you just

[00:30:17] have the thought and it doesn't need to exit your mouth. You can just hold onto it

[00:30:21] because it's not going to be helpful. That's true.

[00:30:25] Being able to look yourself in the mirror and like, yeah, I fucked that up. I shouldn't

[00:30:30] have done that and it's my fault. It's hard for everybody even but if you're a narcissist,

[00:30:41] you're never going to accept that responsibility. There's a lot of that going on right now.

[00:30:46] There really is and there doesn't need to be but that doesn't change the fact that's where

[00:30:53] we are. It's wild to me, man. My entire world revolves around trying to help people be better

[00:31:01] people and I don't know why I think that's like my cross to my burden across... How's

[00:31:08] it saying go? My cross to bear. My cross to bear but man, I just want us to be

[00:31:16] better as human beings. I wrote that first book on networking because I wanted people to be

[00:31:24] better at networking because I realized that if you're better at networking, it instantly makes

[00:31:28] my networking better too. I want us all to win, man. I just do.

[00:31:34] It's all Park Avenue. It's a two-way street.

[00:31:38] Yeah, I love that.

[00:31:39] I think it's wanting to do that and having the time to do it. You mentioned

[00:31:48] Marcus Aurelius having been an emperor, had some stuff on his plate to handle running an empire

[00:31:54] but he had one advantage. There was a lot of tragedy in his life. There were plagues. There

[00:32:00] were food shortages. There was always somebody trying to kill him but he didn't have the

[00:32:05] internet. He didn't have television. He didn't have movies. They had books and plays as

[00:32:13] distractions so he could find 45 minutes here and there to go grab his quill or whatever

[00:32:22] they used to write with back then. What did they use to write with back that far back?

[00:32:28] You know what? I don't know, man. That's an interesting question. It's not like they

[00:32:32] were grinding down graphite and turning it into pencils. It must have been a quill, right?

[00:32:39] How do you come up with ink? They were stabbing octopuses. What do they got going on down there?

[00:32:45] Well, the Egyptians had ink. They were using some water, some other vehicles, some oils and

[00:32:54] pigments that they found to change things. That's how they made dyed clothes and stuff

[00:33:00] like that. That was thousands of years before Aurelius so that explains that.

[00:33:07] We're getting deep into technology that I don't get. He had extra time that we don't have.

[00:33:18] He wasn't doing podcasts. He wasn't talking on the telephone. He never watched The Simpsons.

[00:33:25] I'm starting to feel bad for the guy. Or Seinfeld. He didn't have any Seinfeld in

[00:33:28] his life. Zero? Are you going to miss out on Kramer? Come on.

[00:33:33] Or Chelsea Handler, as you said before. He didn't have to experience that.

[00:33:37] That's right. He did kind of live through Game of Thrones but I don't know if it was

[00:33:43] adapted for TV. It was on a daily basis. He was handpicked to become emperor

[00:33:50] and that pissed off a lot of people that were passed over. It was all about power back then.

[00:34:02] I think taking the time, going back to what you were talking about, is to take the time

[00:34:09] to pause for a minute and just think about where you are and think about what you can

[00:34:16] do better, what you need to do, what tools you need that you don't have,

[00:34:22] where you stuck and surrounding yourself with people that are like-minded and are going to

[00:34:30] help you along that journey. Sometimes that means you have to exit certain relationships that

[00:34:38] don't support that journey. That's hard but sometimes it's the right thing to do.

[00:34:45] It's oftentimes what needs to happen. They've said for years that you can figure out your

[00:34:52] wealth by the sum of your five closest friends most times. It's a great way to look at it.

[00:35:02] If your people are sitting around talking about people, you're doing it wrong. If

[00:35:06] your people are sitting around talking about growth and ideas, those are the people you

[00:35:10] want to be hanging out with. I lost a friend last year and his idea of getting together was,

[00:35:20] let's go grab a cocktail, a cigar, and talk smart solving the world's problems.

[00:35:27] We never solved any real problems for the world but we solved problems in our little world.

[00:35:33] We got to places where we could literally smack each other in the back of the head.

[00:35:42] What are you doing? That's not helpful to you or to your spouse and family and such.

[00:35:51] I'm sorry about that.

[00:35:57] There were three of those last year. I think that's one of the messages that people can take

[00:36:05] away from this is that you got to spend that time facing it, as you said, and then try to

[00:36:16] analyze it and come up with a plan and then go check in with somebody you trust. That's the safe

[00:36:22] place. One of my favorite little beanisms is the best inspection is introspection.

[00:36:33] You got to spend the time to check in with you. That's why I ended up writing the book

[00:36:39] to help my daughter get through some crap that she went through. When I was writing it,

[00:36:45] I wasn't trying to write a book. I was just writing her essays to help her go through some

[00:36:49] trauma. I got halfway through the essays. I was like, this might make a good book. She's like,

[00:36:56] yeah, I'm learning a lot. I was like, all right. I found a friend of mine that's a good graphic

[00:37:02] artist designer type and said, let's brainstorm some activities that we can put into this and

[00:37:08] create a workbook so people can actually not just read the words but have tactical actions to take.

[00:37:18] Do you mind if I share the link because it's free and it's downloadable for folks?

[00:37:22] Well, that's what I was going to say. Where do they get it? I'll have it in the show notes,

[00:37:27] but let's talk about it now where they can do the download. A book that talks about

[00:37:33] the concept, but then you take it to the level of here's an exercise. Here's something you

[00:37:39] can take some action on. Those are the ones that move the needle. That's right. Yeah,

[00:37:43] because if you're just going to read it, you're probably not going to do anything with it.

[00:37:48] Finish the book. Exactly. The workbook, the downloadable, it's a PDF. You can fill

[00:37:55] it in right online. The downloadable workbook is at trybean.com slash finding harmony workbook.

[00:38:05] Very clever, right? I didn't swear in the URL or anything. So trybean.com, oddly enough,

[00:38:13] my website slash finding harmony workbook. All right. We'll have that for the people that

[00:38:20] are on the treadmill or driving in their car. We'll have that in the show notes. You can

[00:38:25] go back and click on that and download it because it does what you're talking about.

[00:38:32] It's helpful. It's helpful. You're going to engage with somebody and you're going to help

[00:38:38] them. If they've got questions, what's the best way to reach Terry? I'm super accessible

[00:38:46] through that same website, trybean.com. My email address is cleverly hidden as bean

[00:38:53] at trybean.com. I try to be super sneaky, man. We'll have all that in the notes for people to go

[00:39:01] grab. The last questions I always ask a guest, it's from my own edification. Past or present,

[00:39:08] any relationship with cigars? Yeah. I will smoke a couple of years whether I want to or not.

[00:39:17] It normally involves those buddies that I'd go have those deep, I need help conversations with.

[00:39:23] One of them is out in Brighton. One of them is down in Allentown. We meet at Northville and

[00:39:30] there's a little joint called the Novi Cigar Bar. It's centrally located for the three of us.

[00:39:36] Northville Cigar Bar. No. I think it's the Novi Cigar Bar. Northville Cigar Bar is like

[00:39:43] downtown Northville. Yeah, it's on Center Street. There's a Novi one too? Holy shit, I learned

[00:39:47] something. This one's on eight mile, excuse me, it's just south, shit is it just south of seven

[00:39:54] or just south of eight, right on Hagridi. It's right off the freeway. It's crazy because

[00:40:01] we all will text when we get home and we'll all get home within like two minutes of each

[00:40:06] other. It takes all of us like an hour and 40 minutes to get there because it's always like

[00:40:11] five or five thirty six o'clock when we're meeting, but the ride home is like a half hour.

[00:40:15] It's really nice. So it's a cool little joint man and it's got the proper cigar store Indian.

[00:40:21] I still miss Lars Tietan cigars from way back in that late 90s, early 2000s.

[00:40:28] And I'll try some new stuff. I've liked a couple of Davidoff's,

[00:40:31] but mostly I'm an acid Cuba Cuba or a 1400 guy. Okay, I'm a I love just trying new things,

[00:40:42] but there's a few standards that I hang with. But it's funny that there's a lot of guys

[00:40:49] that will have two, three, four a year. Sometimes it's around the situations you're

[00:40:55] talking about. Sometimes it's on a golf course. I haven't played golf in a while, but when I did,

[00:41:01] it was like you're outside. It's usually decent weather. You're with friends. Yeah,

[00:41:08] there's alcohol and cigar around and you're, you know, you're chasing a white ball around.

[00:41:14] As Mark Trane would say, it was a good walk spoiled, but I mean, it was cigars were

[00:41:21] always part of that. And years and years ago, my wife, my wife made the comment,

[00:41:26] you develop two bad habits this summer golf and cigars because they go hand in hand for me.

[00:41:32] Yeah. So Terry, I really appreciate you taking the time to jump on us. We can probably have

[00:41:40] other conversations down the road and we'll have the books are all available on the website

[00:41:48] or at Amazon. They're right there on the website. Okay. I'll even sign up and send them. Cool.

[00:41:56] Thank you. And we'll be talking again soon here. I think in the next few months,

[00:42:02] we'll do this again. I appreciate it. I'll look forward to it, man. Thank you for

[00:42:05] the time, Walter. Good talk. Thanks for being part of another fun episode of Sales and Cigars.

[00:42:10] Let me ask you a question. Are you tired of struggling to hire sales talent that's

[00:42:15] going to move the needle for your company? Well, maybe you should attend my sales hiring

[00:42:21] secrets program and discover the number one mistake that business owners are making

[00:42:26] with hiring sales talent in their organization. The details are in the show notes. Click on the

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[00:42:35] to solve the problem of sales talent on your team. Thanks.