Is Self-Sabotage Hindering Your MSP's Growth?

[00:00:00] Everyone's thinking the same thing. I don't belong here if they only knew.

[00:00:03] People wouldn't like me if they knew XYZ about me, if people knew how bad I didn't know the financials

[00:00:08] or how my wife hasn't talked to me in six months or how like I've heard all the stories.

[00:00:12] Don't review all the things you've done bad. Like don't show up at a networking event and go

[00:00:16] man if they knew my last business failed none of these investors would want to give me money

[00:00:20] like and a lot of us do that we just scroll through our failures and then wonder why

[00:00:25] we don't have the confidence to show up in these situations.

[00:00:31] On this episode of MSP Mindset I'm super excited to speak with April Garcia. She has traveled to

[00:00:39] 45 plus different countries, experienced amazing things like cholera, dysentery, rabies

[00:00:46] and what we're going to talk about today which is self-sabotage, burnout, those sort of things.

[00:00:54] So she is amazing at helping masterminds and helping others with her PivotMe brand. So welcome,

[00:01:05] April. Thank you for having me. I'm super excited for our chat today. I love how you connected

[00:01:08] like infectious disease with burnout. That was awesome. You never can tell. No, no, it's good.

[00:01:16] So I wanted to jump right into one. Apparently you were voted least likely to succeed in high school.

[00:01:23] I was, I was. That made my reunion a little bit awkward when I went back. Yeah, I was a pretty

[00:01:29] troubled kid so it's funny to look back now but I was on a very different trajectory. I kind of

[00:01:36] get this like photos or it didn't happen talk usually and I was like oh well we luckily

[00:01:40] there's photos for evidence but yeah I was a I was a troubled kid and I had like the the white face

[00:01:48] and the black lipstick and the knee-high combat boots and yeah I was definitely the kid that most

[00:01:55] people like crossed to the other side of the street when they saw. You did not miss me in the crowd

[00:02:01] but it's kind of funny to think about now but they're still they're still that edgy side

[00:02:06] of me like they're still punk April in there but it looked like I was going down a very predictable

[00:02:12] path which was not a good one and then when I was 18 I just flipped a switch and everything

[00:02:18] changed but up until then most people were thinking I was I was going nowhere fast.

[00:02:25] Well tell me about how you went from you know according to you know high school kids

[00:02:32] the experts right going nowhere to you know running a mastermind running teaching people

[00:02:41] about mindset teaching people about sabotage running all the things that you do helping so

[00:02:45] many people how did you let's start with flipping that switch at 18 what happened yeah great question

[00:02:50] so you know when I was younger when I was a teenager like I struggled in a lot of ways but

[00:02:58] I always sort of knew that at 18 that's when you had to sort of let go of all that stuff like

[00:03:04] that's when you're an adult that's when you could actually go to like big boy jail and I always knew

[00:03:09] even as a young misfit teenager that I was like all right when I'm 18 I flipped the switch at 18

[00:03:14] I'm out of here I couldn't wait to move out I couldn't wait to leave the country I didn't

[00:03:20] grow up like that I did not come from a family of travelers at all and the idea of wanting

[00:03:25] to travel was just insane to them but I knew that it was like all right everything changes at 18

[00:03:29] I'm going to totally redesign myself once I have sort of autonomy that's when everything's

[00:03:35] going to change and sure enough when I turned 18 I bought a ticket to London and I distinctly

[00:03:41] remember that moment when I knew nothing I'd never traveled never knew anything about

[00:03:47] we'll say the streets of London I got mugged shortly after but I remember when I got off

[00:03:51] the plane and he threw and I walked outside and there was like the smell of diesel in the air

[00:03:55] and it was humid and I came from the desert I lived in Nevada and I'm looking around and I distinctly

[00:04:00] remember this feeling of nobody knows me nobody knows my backstory nobody knows who I am nobody has

[00:04:06] any expectations of me there's no peer group around me and I just decided this was the time

[00:04:11] I was going to be completely different and I literally reinvented myself I reinvented myself

[00:04:17] through that trip through travel which ended up becoming a pretty significant part of my life

[00:04:21] for a long time I ended up going to college I put myself through college I couldn't I couldn't get any

[00:04:26] scholarships or anything because of my high school years ended up becoming like Dean's List and who's

[00:04:32] who and just I mean talk about this 180 turnaround but it was this conscious decision to become a

[00:04:38] different person to reinvent myself and it also honestly it came down to peer group as well I

[00:04:44] remember a very we're getting right into it but I remember a very distinctive night when I came

[00:04:49] back from from London and I hung out with my old group of friends and I'll never forget they were

[00:04:54] in this like small little sweaty apartment down in the bad part of town and they were all hopefully

[00:05:00] we can talk about this but they were all smoking and I was just kind of sitting there and feeling

[00:05:06] like I don't really feel like I'm not I'm not like fitting in it feels different this time

[00:05:11] and I'll never forget a friend of mine who was 17 18 at the time and I thank her to this day

[00:05:16] she said can I talk to you outside April and we went outside and and she said April um

[00:05:22] what do you want to be now because that's all changed like you're a completely different person

[00:05:26] what do you want to be now and I said well now I want to be a doctor and I want to do medicine

[00:05:33] overseas and um and she goes yeah we want to own a potfield in Hawaii and she's like I don't

[00:05:42] think you belong here anymore and at the time it felt like massive rejection like these were my

[00:05:47] people these are my friends they'd become like family to me and um in a lot of ways they saved

[00:05:52] me through high school but that was a time where that's where the path that's where the pivot

[00:05:56] happened and again it felt like rejection but I look back and I'm so grateful that she did this

[00:06:02] because she kind of booted me out of the nest and said go find your people and then I did

[00:06:06] I ended up finding a different peer group and evolving and changing and really completely

[00:06:10] changed who I was so much so that people didn't even recognize me and they were looking at pictures

[00:06:15] with me in the yearbook to go this was it was that girl remember her um it was a pretty significant

[00:06:20] of it yeah so after you got rejected how did you go about finding a trial yeah I mean first

[00:06:28] there's like a lot of tears and a lot of like why did this happen to me and uh you know that's

[00:06:34] the thing about sort of leveling up which I didn't have that language at the time I didn't really

[00:06:37] understand what was happening but it's it's a lonely process it's not rarely does your peer

[00:06:43] this new peer group go come come with us it'll be better it just feels a hell of a lot like

[00:06:47] rejection whether it's you being rejected or you rejecting the other people and um so it took

[00:06:53] a little bit of a time to adjust um the good thing was I was going to university and I had two jobs

[00:06:58] because I was you know doing the college thing college is expensive and so I started making friends

[00:07:03] through the hospitals that I worked at I worked at two hospitals um and then I started joining

[00:07:08] studies groups at the university and that helped too because the old group that I hung out with

[00:07:13] were not in the study groups at the university like I didn't go to college and um they were on

[00:07:18] their own path and um we didn't we didn't intersect intersect after that so started

[00:07:24] going to study groups starting to find people and now I've got language for it's one of the

[00:07:28] things I talk about a lot which is designing your peer group um which is very different than

[00:07:32] our default peer group kind of the people we went to school with the people we work with or we live

[00:07:36] next to or our kids play with their kids and I like many others had just kind of fallen into my

[00:07:41] default peer group um and they served me and they were amazing and I served them and we were great

[00:07:45] friends for a long time but then as I grew I had to go out and find the new peer group that

[00:07:50] represent where I was going not where I was that part is painful by the way since I've done

[00:07:55] multiple iterations of that but um it was it was real tough because those were like my people

[00:08:00] they knew me and then because I had such a massive shift in identity even though you're

[00:08:05] you know this this golf punk kid becoming like uh now I wear scrubs and I work nights at the hospital

[00:08:11] you don't feel like you belong there either so you're just in this weird spot where you

[00:08:15] don't feel like you belong with your old group you don't quite feel like you belong with your

[00:08:18] new group um it was it was quite a transition luckily I did I did find my people through school

[00:08:24] through work um and then it just kept evolving then but that was that was one of the first

[00:08:29] real big sort of peer group pivots I ever did and it was not by choice it was Sarah putting a

[00:08:35] boot in my butt and kicking me out the door yeah thanks Sarah uh that's awesome so you had

[00:08:42] massive imposter syndrome I can relate to that oh for sure for sure when I worked at the hospital

[00:08:47] I don't know how this happened but somehow I ended up as the uh the process improvement committees

[00:08:53] like chairperson and so like imagine if you will this 19 year old girl that still has midnight blue

[00:09:00] hair um and she is now managing the process improvement committee which has a bunch of doctors

[00:09:06] on it who do not want to listen to said 19 like a 19 year old does not want to listen to someone

[00:09:11] with blue hair I mean there was just yeah I was in lots of situations where um I was odd man out

[00:09:17] I spent a career the first half of my career was being in rooms I really wasn't welcomed in

[00:09:22] eventually I just became really comfortable with that but that was my first real massive dose into

[00:09:27] imposter syndrome and then I got into real estate investing and a bunch of other stuff where I just

[00:09:31] kept recreating environments where I was usually the least qualified youngest person in them and then

[00:09:38] then I just learned how to swim faster I guess that's really interesting and I'm

[00:09:44] want to get into self-sabotage but I think these might correlate here so how did you get

[00:09:49] comfortable with that being uncomfortable that being the new young kid the imposter the

[00:09:56] whatever however you want for a yeah I mean a lot of self-talk like managing your mindset

[00:10:01] again I didn't have the language for it then but so much of it you know I see often that we're

[00:10:10] not always the door isn't always locked to the rooms we want to get into a lot of times

[00:10:16] we anticipate that the door is locked like more often than not I see a self-select before anyone

[00:10:21] else says you're not good enough leave we anticipate the rejection and so we're like I'll see myself

[00:10:27] out and I saw that more often than people not getting in so I want to clarify I mean we've

[00:10:33] all seen like the Peter principle we've seen like the arrogant guy who works half as hard but

[00:10:37] he keeps getting promoted and you're like what the hell like I I mean I definitely remember that

[00:10:40] guy when I was um it's first started in sales and I kept looking at this guy Jason I'm like

[00:10:44] why does that guy keep getting promoted and he was he was just arrogant enough to think he should

[00:10:50] and it worked and I saw so often people were just they talk themselves out of these opportunities so

[00:10:56] I just kept um it's the boldness to keep like inserting yourself really what you've got to

[00:11:03] figure out is can you withstand the awkwardness of being in a room where you're not welcomed

[00:11:09] and if you can and and that's not you're not physically getting pushed out on most of these

[00:11:13] instances it's just subtleties it's nuance it's kind of like well shouldn't you be over there

[00:11:18] should you we do that group shouldn't you sit at that table if you can withstand the

[00:11:21] awkwardness usually you can you can still maintain at the table nobody wants you at the table

[00:11:26] it's going to take a long time you got to do a lot of proving and this and that and

[00:11:29] um that that's a that's a tough road too but um I would just say manage your mindset be very

[00:11:35] clear that you don't self-select like if someone like is someone telling you to leave

[00:11:40] or have you picked up on subtlety have you picked up a hint you saw yourself out

[00:11:46] did you did you go in expecting that yeah right yeah and and a lot of us do and a lot of us

[00:11:52] can't withstand the awkwardness of feeling like the outsider um I've I've always felt that way

[00:12:00] and so I've always just like I I'm gonna go into I mean again I didn't have language on it when

[00:12:05] I was in my early 20s but um I knew that if I was going to learn I had to be you know you want to be

[00:12:11] a better tennis player you got to play with better players I knew that um and so I just kept putting

[00:12:16] myself within rooms where people were better than me the mistake I made is I didn't find mentors

[00:12:22] though I kept putting myself myself in rooms where people didn't want me there but were

[00:12:27] better than me if I could go back and do it all over again I would have been on a hunt

[00:12:31] for a mentor in a hot second that would have short cut so much but I didn't know that at

[00:12:35] the time what pushed you to discover that the mentor piece or yes I watched other people's path be

[00:12:43] shortcut um to success over and over again because they had mentors um when I look at my trajectory

[00:12:50] you know for a long time I worked in sales I worked in finance I worked in telecom and I

[00:12:55] eventually got to the point where I was you know advising really large business billion

[00:12:59] dollar businesses I've had a great career in that in manufacturing and distribution and what I found was

[00:13:07] the way that I was going about it was a bit stubborn like I will figure this out I will be

[00:13:12] the hardest I mean let me tell you if you're one of those people that are like I'll be the hardest

[00:13:16] working person in the room I was that person I still struggle with being that person a lot

[00:13:21] it is the hardest path to success there is nothing shortcut about this and let me tell you

[00:13:27] if anyone tells you there's no shortcuts to success it's total bullshit by the way can we

[00:13:30] cuss on this demon is it all right okay we're good all right good I was like let me let me know that

[00:13:35] okay be okay so there are shortcuts and a mentor is one of the fastest shortcuts and it's the

[00:13:42] one I did not use I didn't get a mentor for probably probably about seven years ago was the

[00:13:48] first time I got a mentor and um what I did do though is mentor a lot of people and even now

[00:13:56] the work that I do now as a as a business advisor honestly I just want to be the mentor I never had

[00:14:02] like I just want to find versions of I mean that's what so many of us want to do right we want to

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[00:15:19] so if you were speaking to yourself you know 20 or 30 year old self what would you say about

[00:15:26] finding a mentor what would you say to do I would say don't do it alone I would say stop

[00:15:33] being so stubborn that you want to figure it out all on your own and I would say that you

[00:15:39] have to put yourself in the room with people who can and are willing to mentor you to ask people

[00:15:46] directly to mentor you the way that you approach sales is you know you have to get through a lot

[00:15:52] of nos to get to the yeses mentor mentoring should have been the same way it should have I should

[00:15:57] have approached it the same way of like all right I'm gonna find the right people if I keep

[00:16:01] being in rooms of people who aren't the right people will switch up the rooms until you find

[00:16:04] the right person there's somebody going to be out there who really wants to see someone

[00:16:08] like you succeed you just got to find them but I was my own like I was my own bottleneck for sure

[00:16:14] I was a stubborn or you know I think I got even though I obviously all of us right even though

[00:16:22] I showed up bold and and confident and all this sort of stuff I was still up in my head that I'm

[00:16:27] always the youngest person in this room it's not so much a problem anymore but for a long

[00:16:30] time I was like I still remember my first networking event and I showed up and I was

[00:16:34] I was 20 I was working in the financial industry and I walked into a room full of

[00:16:39] what looked like my dad's and I was like what do I talk to these guys about right so

[00:16:44] and then I like go to the bar which was kind of cool because they give you a drink because they

[00:16:47] assume if you're there you're old enough right and so they're I'm like what do you drink um

[00:16:51] I got a course because you know it's the king of beers turns out it's actually not the king

[00:16:55] of beers it doesn't impress anybody in an networking event but I was like what are we

[00:16:59] going to talk about the weather and like I really felt like an imposter in that in that

[00:17:04] instance in many instances but um I wonder what it would have looked like if I would have sat down

[00:17:10] with someone at that networking event and just said you know it's my first networking event

[00:17:15] like I don't know what to do here like instead I very much lived into the whole fake it till

[00:17:19] you make it thing and it served me yes but I think my path would have been a lot easier if

[00:17:25] I would have just kind of shoulder tapped someone and said how do I really know what I'm doing here

[00:17:29] like how does this work how do where do we go where do we stand what what the hell do we talk about is

[00:17:32] it is it weather the whole time is it sports the entire time if I would have just been um

[00:17:38] courageous enough to ask for help it would have helped a lot I mean it really would have

[00:17:45] shortened my path and just I would have worked a lot less hours and I think I would have

[00:17:49] enjoyed it a lot more too yeah it takes a ton of courage to do that right because you

[00:17:55] already if you're like me I'll speak for myself I already felt like an ambassador to go and ask I mean

[00:18:00] they must have been just come out of the womb knowing this stuff right yeah I'm the only one that

[00:18:04] does it totally totally I remember I was talking to a guy who was working with the I think he said

[00:18:09] the CEO of AT&T and I'll never forget he said I sat in the meeting with her and over and over

[00:18:15] again people would introduce concepts that she was not familiar with and she'd say oh I don't

[00:18:19] know enough about that teach me and he said I would be sitting in a meeting and she would say

[00:18:24] that four or five times and she's the CEO of AT&T I'm pretty sure it's her um the idea and I only

[00:18:31] heard this a few years ago and I thought well heck I wish I would have known that a lot of years ago

[00:18:35] like I think I was focused on being their peer and if I would have allowed myself to

[00:18:43] or put myself in the position to be a little bit more of a mentee there would have been someone

[00:18:48] who would have taken me under their wing like when I hear the stories of like oh this person

[00:18:52] mentored me and like there's part of it that goes ah I wish younger April would have known about that

[00:18:56] but I mean if you're listening now and now I have mentors now I lean heavily into this not only do

[00:19:03] I mentor others but I have people that mentor or coach me I mean if you're listening to this now

[00:19:07] and you can't think of a mentor um that's that's a problem to fix right away because you are doing

[00:19:14] it the hard way and I did for so so long I just can't imagine what it would have been like

[00:19:19] for someone to come alongside of me or for me to ask someone to come alongside of me and go hey

[00:19:24] which what you know right left like how does this typically go because so much of it was me um

[00:19:30] figuring it out on the fly and I definitely went the long way around because of that

[00:19:35] mm-hmm so talk to me about the self-sabotage there and um I know

[00:19:43] I'm I like to mentor people I enjoy it I'm looking for the right person you know to help and when I was

[00:19:50] younger me I could I was like I don't think I can reach out to them they won't take the time what do

[00:19:55] I have you know what had all this self sabotage this head trash holding me back so what have

[00:20:02] you experienced what kind of self sabotage have you let play into that me personally yes um I

[00:20:10] think it's like again I would have a different answer now but I think

[00:20:21] you know I think it's it's I've experienced it and I've seen it with so many people that I work

[00:20:25] with is just um the fear of being found out that you don't know the answer to it which in

[00:20:32] actuality is a strength when you're like oh I don't know about that tell me more

[00:20:35] I think it's fear of being found out um a lot of what I see now in my in my consulting practices

[00:20:42] people thinking they're so far along they should already know this by now like I've been running

[00:20:46] this business for six years how do I not know what my profit and loss statement is I've been

[00:20:50] doing this for so long um nobody knows that I can't actually successfully hire someone because

[00:20:55] I keep you know hiring making bad hires like there's a lot of especially at this stage in

[00:21:01] business and in life it's a lot of I feel like I should already know that by now um and also uh

[00:21:07] will they think that I don't belong here anymore and it's such a shame because we're all thinking it

[00:21:13] you know one of the exercises that I do when I have in person events is we talk I like say okay

[00:21:21] I'm gonna talk through some of people's self sabotage or some people's headdress right now

[00:21:25] and if you're brave enough I'd like you to step in the circle when I say the thing that you

[00:21:29] thought since you've walked in this room and and I list things I list things like I don't feel

[00:21:34] like I belong here lots of people step in I feel like my revenue is too low for me to be here a lot

[00:21:40] of people step in I feel like these other people have it figured out better than I do I've compared

[00:21:45] my messy backstory to their highlight reel like whoever you're sitting next to you can go

[00:21:50] man that guy's super fit that guy seems really happy in his marriage that guy has a great

[00:21:54] relationship with his kids we always take the thing that we struggle with and compare it to

[00:21:59] someone else's you know trophy moment and then it's a great opportunity to sabotage ourselves

[00:22:05] it's a great opportunity for us to be like oh no I can't speak up I think it's really important

[00:22:09] for us to realize that we all have something to teach and we all have something to be taught

[00:22:14] and I think for me I spent so many years trying to prove myself that it would be

[00:22:23] hard to know what April needed to be taught back then because I was trying so hard I was trying so

[00:22:29] hard that I think that if I would have been more humble and if I would have been more honest and

[00:22:34] if I would have been more brave I mean it looked like bravery me being in those rooms all the time

[00:22:38] and to some extent it is but the truth is for me what I'm most scared of was vulnerability

[00:22:44] so courage actually looked like vulnerability it wasn't showing up it wasn't showing up

[00:22:49] in those rooms it wasn't traveling overseas I mean you put me on a plane and I can show up in any

[00:22:53] place and I'm like got it wherever it is got it no problem that looks like bravery to other people

[00:22:59] but it's not bravery to me for me that feels okay it feels comfortable showing up and saying

[00:23:05] this is hard for me and I need help that scares the shit out of me yeah yeah let me

[00:23:11] that's a ton let me unpack that gift there April so I think a lot of people would raise their

[00:23:17] hand and say hey just showing up in a room where I feel like an imposter where I'm the youngest or

[00:23:25] dumbest or at least revenue or whatever label I want to put on myself you know I don't feel

[00:23:30] qualified to be here in one way or another that's gonna scare enough of us but you really have to

[00:23:34] have courage to be vulnerable so to tie together what you said it sounds like what you were

[00:23:40] saying is you know younger me I wish would be more would have the courage to be more

[00:23:44] vulnerable because that sounds like it tied into the coachability yeah yeah yeah I got to think about

[00:23:52] that for sure I mean it's not like I had people offering to coach me or mentor me and I'm like no

[00:23:58] no I got it all but I also just wasn't putting myself in that environment either um yeah for sure

[00:24:04] I mean when I look back at so many pivots in my life and so many moments in my life if those

[00:24:09] would have been paired with humility or not humility if those would have been paired

[00:24:13] with vulnerability I would have navigated them so much better in fact one of one of the

[00:24:18] exercises that I do in my company is I'll challenge someone on asking for help for something and these

[00:24:24] are all business owners right these are all like self starters I got this I got you know

[00:24:28] and I'm like all right well something that you're struggling with and I don't care if it's

[00:24:31] finances your retirement your relationship your health you got to go ask someone for help

[00:24:37] and that is the most common exercise people skip because they don't want to do it they

[00:24:41] don't want to admit that they don't have that even if it's not something in their expertise like they

[00:24:45] could be running this successful manufacturing business and I'm like no no you got to ask someone

[00:24:50] about if they have a personal trainer or a therapist they recommend essentially just getting in the

[00:24:55] habit of raising my hand and saying I need a little help and that is so tough for us and

[00:25:00] has been historically very tough for me I'm getting better at it it takes a lot of practice

[00:25:05] but to do that I also have to manage my mindset that it's that everybody I mean now I've sat with

[00:25:12] thousands of business owners and I know that everyone's thinking the same thing everyone's

[00:25:16] thinking the same thing I don't belong here if they only knew people wouldn't like me if they knew

[00:25:20] XYZ about me if people knew who how bad I didn't know the financials or how my wife hasn't talked

[00:25:26] to me in six months or how like I've heard all the stories I'm the really I soured the

[00:25:30] relationship with my kids like we've all got everybody has a chapter of their book they

[00:25:34] don't read out loud but then we show up in places where we're insecure and all we do is review that

[00:25:39] chapter like if they knew this if they knew this and that's a confidence thing too like one of the

[00:25:45] things I really like I have a very tactical thing that I have people do if they need to show up

[00:25:50] confident in situations but I'll give you a spoiler don't review all the things you've

[00:25:55] done bad like don't show up at a networking event go man if they knew my last business

[00:25:58] failed none of these investors would want to give me money like and a lot of us do that we

[00:26:03] just scroll through our failures and then wonder why we don't have the confidence to show up in these

[00:26:07] situations right right and you have a lot of wins right but I don't know but to you but I'm often too

[00:26:16] busy replaying the game footage of what I didn't do right right it could have had a record year

[00:26:24] and I'm going through all the there was this one hire that I fumble there's this one you

[00:26:30] know whatever it is that I could have and should have figured out could have could be an amazing year

[00:26:37] and I'm still just micro managing micro analyzing you know self sabotage why couldn't I do this yeah

[00:26:46] and you got it I mean you got to get in the habit of catching yourself you have to manage your

[00:26:50] mindset at all times like mind that one of the things that I like to sort of illustrate is

[00:26:57] yeah like our brain I think of our brain is actually like a separate entity all the all the time

[00:27:01] and it's something that you're training you can't let it train you your brains you know this

[00:27:06] three pound organ that you know random thoughts come up you're not your thoughts

[00:27:10] random urges come up you're not as though your urges you know it's what you act on

[00:27:14] it you act on the thoughts you act on the urges but you got to talk back to your brain

[00:27:18] and that's applicable whether we're talking about your insecurity whether you're talking about

[00:27:22] your anxiety talk back to your brain and you will start to I mean there's there's a whole science

[00:27:28] behind it you'll start to create in neuropath ways and things like that but most of us are just a

[00:27:32] series of practice thoughts and if you can hear I mean one of the most important things that I can

[00:27:39] teach someone is how they self sabotage if they know that tell me about that I mean what was that

[00:27:45] tell me more about that yeah so it's in because we all do it we all do it so for every level

[00:27:50] every level you're at you will sabotage and we all do it in very predictable levels so

[00:27:55] in so in the pivot me academy in the mastermind we talk a lot about the second you level up new

[00:28:00] level new devil so the second you level up I don't care if it's from a revenue standpoint

[00:28:04] the client whatever it is it's like it's like super marr brothers and a new dragon gets led

[00:28:09] off in the castle like and I like all right devil's coming out we don't know who it is but it's

[00:28:13] coming for you and it's a variety of things like and and I see it every single week on these calls

[00:28:18] so it might be this is the biggest contract I've ever signed and then suddenly they're like

[00:28:23] I should have gotten an MBA my dad was right like all these very predictable patterns we all go into

[00:28:30] of I'm not good enough to receive this money I'm not good enough to work with clients as big if

[00:28:34] they only knew this if they only knew that and if you know the predictable way in which you

[00:28:40] sabotage then you can talk back like the second you know it you've got the power to change

[00:28:45] it so I was sharing that on my team when I'm about to have like when I'm about to be on a really big

[00:28:52] stage or have a lot of like media attention I get hyper critical about our website my team knows this

[00:29:00] the second we have a big interview that's coming out next week my team knows I've already done

[00:29:06] it to them they know if they're listening right now they know that suddenly I'll go through it

[00:29:10] like nine o'clock at night maybe it's four in the morning and I'll get real nitpicky about

[00:29:13] our website because it's you know your website's your digital footprint it's your sales page and

[00:29:18] suddenly I'll get really particular about that and I will spend precious hours going the wrong there

[00:29:25] it's not there it's there or this image doesn't you know the lighting's not right or

[00:29:30] I'll get really particular about design which is not my forte and usually something I don't

[00:29:35] spend any time on but it's because I want to know that when they go and look at me that it's

[00:29:42] validated it's just an insecure thing and it's like how am I still doing this with the experience

[00:29:48] I've had and all the accolades and all the this and that and yet here I still sit on I don't know

[00:29:54] how many businesses I've owned I've owned a lot of businesses I've owned a lot of real estate

[00:29:58] I've done all these things and yet when I'm about to get a lot of media attention I will go

[00:30:03] through the website and get nitpicky so that's that's one of my flavors of self-sabotage

[00:30:07] I'll give you another one which is a really common one so a friend of mine

[00:30:11] is amazing speaker amazing author Roy Vaden and he talks about it's um what is the word it's

[00:30:19] procrastination it's a creative avoidance it's a form of procrastination and we all do that

[00:30:25] in that you've got a lot of stuff to do and sometimes it's really important stuff to do

[00:30:29] and you will go and do something that doesn't actually need to be done but you could justify

[00:30:34] that you were still being like effective so I'll do this with my emails I'll have a really big

[00:30:40] project and suddenly I'm like well it seems like a good time for me to go through my emails or I'm

[00:30:44] gonna go check this or look at the analytics on that it's this creative avoidance is a huge way

[00:30:49] people procrastinate like okay I've got this really big important meeting that I need to set up

[00:30:53] and the guy's waiting for my call and then someone's like I'm going to go talk to the

[00:30:57] bookkeeper or I'm gonna go do this other thing or you know we should talk about product

[00:31:00] development and all it is is fear usually it's it's fear of doing the big thing taking the big

[00:31:07] swing and so we creatively avoid it by doing other things so if you learn and this is key so a lot

[00:31:13] of people talk about high performance and I'm a big fan of high performance talk too um but I will

[00:31:19] tell you you will get so much mileage out of just understanding how you self sabotage

[00:31:24] and then what the hell to do about it bonus if you bring in an accountability buddy and

[00:31:28] you tell them how you self sabotage so they can call you out so they can say are you avoiding

[00:31:34] calling the publisher because this is the third week you haven't called them and you're like maybe

[00:31:39] that's right so if we all let's just start with the baseline we all self sabotage every

[00:31:44] single one of us we do it in very predictable ways and if you can find the predictable way

[00:31:50] in which you do it then like first comes awareness and then second comes choice

[00:31:54] and so once you're aware of it most people aren't but once you're aware of how you self sabotage

[00:31:59] then you can address it and you do you address it by talking back to your brain you talk about

[00:32:03] you address it by bringing in accountability buddies you there's a variety of things you

[00:32:08] can do to address it first you just got to know how you do it I love that we all have it I

[00:32:15] know I have for sure um you know a ton of stuff there uh so um I was very fortunate to

[00:32:23] select an accountability partner uh over a decade ago and believe it or not same same same person

[00:32:30] still and so it's been one of the best gifts because we got vulnerable early on and you know

[00:32:40] after so long we know each other better than most anybody about what we're going to

[00:32:46] I guess your words are or his words are creative avoidance you know let me go

[00:32:51] I mean you know it could be anything right I'll go mow the grass I don't know like I don't want to

[00:32:55] mow the grass but it just feels like there's a thing I could do instead of do this hard thing

[00:32:59] and uh and so yeah um there's just so many ways that I could do something else and

[00:33:07] in procrastinating and just having an accountability partner makes all the

[00:33:12] difference at least for me you know because they're they're saying I know this is the

[00:33:15] thing you're avoiding why are you why are you waiting another hour or day or week or

[00:33:20] you know if you don't have somebody month quarter year it's it's so true I mean what you did probably

[00:33:26] shortcut your success profoundly I mean and the person I want to point out your accountability

[00:33:31] buddy does not need to know anything about like the mechanics of what you need to do so when one

[00:33:36] of the things I talk about is how smart goal format kind of falls short and one of the

[00:33:40] ways that the smart goal which is the goal standard done but um the thing about

[00:33:46] smart goals which are good but what they miss is the accountability piece they miss the who

[00:33:51] component of it and it's not yes we manage what we measure you can set a goal whether it's a

[00:33:56] fitness goal or revenue goal doesn't matter what it is and we want to measure it yes

[00:34:00] but what I will tell you will help people tremendously is if you build in people to

[00:34:05] help you do it and I don't just mean your team and I always recommend people build in three

[00:34:09] people but one of them is the accountability buddy I always said the uh the networker

[00:34:13] the accountability buddy and um the the mentor mentor is someone who's already done it

[00:34:18] they've they've gone before you and they can say hey you know do this or do that the networker

[00:34:22] is someone who has the network to support the thing you're about to do oh you're about to open

[00:34:26] up new business I know someone at the SBA oh you're about to license a product I have a great

[00:34:30] lawyer for that that's the networker but the the third piece of that is the accountability

[00:34:35] buddy they don't need to know anything about the mechanics of what you're doing it could be

[00:34:39] a brother a sister a spouse but that can get a little sticky but all you need to do is just

[00:34:44] tell them what to ask you they can be like hey every morning at 9 a.m. can you text me and

[00:34:48] ask me what my word count is every morning I have a guy that I've worked with for five years

[00:34:53] Christopher and I will text him and say did you get to walk in because as simple as him walking

[00:34:58] in it was like what's the big deal walking 30 minutes well when Chris walks 30 minutes in

[00:35:02] the morning Chris listens to a podcast that's inspirational and then he goes back and he

[00:35:08] does more outbound sales calls in his in his real estate business and then he does this

[00:35:12] it becomes this chain reaction of productivity and for him it all starts with walking in the morning

[00:35:18] so the person who's your accountability buddy doesn't have to be good at your thing

[00:35:22] you can literally say ask me this question I've done this before ask me this specific question

[00:35:27] but just knowing that someone's looking at you someone's going to check in with you

[00:35:32] do we manage what we measure and when there's more eyes on it we feel the pressure to

[00:35:36] deliver so that is a huge technique is just using an accountability buddy don't use an

[00:35:40] accountability buddy that struggles with the same thing that you do I will add that caveat

[00:35:44] because a lot of people are like I'm gonna work out and I'm gonna work out with Tina who also

[00:35:48] hates working out no you guys will end up at Starbucks nobody's working out like you need

[00:35:52] to work out with like Karen down the street and you see her every morning at 5 30 and

[00:35:56] her Lululemon's running down the road like Karen that's who you need to work out with

[00:36:00] a lot of us will pick accountability buddies have the same problem we do

[00:36:04] don't do that that's not gonna end well but pick someone who you know will send you a text

[00:36:10] ask if you did it they'll check in with you they'll just remind you of the things that are

[00:36:13] important to you because otherwise our life is filled with OPP other people's priorities

[00:36:20] that's exactly right I love that because so many people talk about maybe an accountability

[00:36:24] partner but they stop there so different we all struggle with something just don't have

[00:36:29] to be the same thing that if if Karen can work out but Karen you know maybe you can help Karen in

[00:36:36] this other way you know whether it's whether it's showing up to something or doing something

[00:36:40] courageous for making calls or whatever that is and then I wanted to unpack like how you talked

[00:36:46] about you text this person they walk but it sounds like kind of second order effects

[00:36:52] when they walk they listen to the podcast when they podcast they make more calls so

[00:36:56] um so tell me about that how you see those kind of you know because it's it's kind of in this world

[00:37:03] of instant gratification it's it's easy to just want to do the easy and instant thing

[00:37:09] and going for the walk you don't always see an immediate benefit but that podcast has that

[00:37:14] benefit that gives the benefit to the to your mood and to your mindset and to your calls

[00:37:22] and to all these sort of things so tell me how that ties in from your perspective for sure so in

[00:37:26] all of our lives we have these chain reactions right like if if uh so someone's familiar with

[00:37:32] business and like lead and lag indicators like there's things that lead into a result and

[00:37:36] then there's effects after that result and so let me start with this premise the most

[00:37:42] important topic you'll ever study is you the most important thing you can be a student of

[00:37:47] is yourself like you should be the CEO of you you should be running the owner's manual most of us

[00:37:54] are totally flying in line we don't have an sop we're like oh i'm just gunslinging out there and

[00:37:58] sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't like stop reading books about other people's

[00:38:03] lives stop watching documentaries on other people's lives and learn yourself this is not

[00:38:08] unself-indulgent this isn't navel gazing like know what creates performance in you

[00:38:14] and part of it is understanding your cycles we're so freaking predictable i know we want to all be

[00:38:20] so special and unique and we are kind of but what i can tell you after working with thousands of people

[00:38:25] is we're actually rather predictable um and i don't say that to kind of dim someone's light

[00:38:32] i hope that it gives someone hope that it's like oh well wait a second then there's a way for me

[00:38:36] to get out of this so understanding what your cycles are that's a key piece for performance

[00:38:42] and for sabotage so like for for sabotage i had a guy that um um before he would go have an important

[00:38:49] meeting um he would say he woke up late from in his alarm which on the surface is true he woke

[00:38:55] up late from his alarm but what i would do is i would pull back the timeline and go okay we'll

[00:38:58] talk to him about the night before well the night before he would go out and he would stay out

[00:39:02] late and he would drink and then he would sleep through his alarm the next morning and it was his

[00:39:06] self it was a self-sabotaging cycle that he was in and actually once you pull and throw it a

[00:39:09] little bit more it's because his business had already grown bigger than his father's business

[00:39:14] i mean there was like a whole bit of psychology to it of like oh wait i can't grow my business any

[00:39:18] bigger than that but let's kind of keep it surface level it appeared like he needed a new alarm clock

[00:39:24] but he didn't he he started self-sabotaging the night before and it was quite predictable

[00:39:31] so for him to understand himself for him to be a student of himself he had to know

[00:39:35] before a key meeting where i'm going to meet investors i need to not go out the night before

[00:39:40] i need to have a night at home i need to be in bed by nine like that was key for him so this is

[00:39:45] an example of understanding sort of the chain reaction the the guy that i referenced who's

[00:39:49] walking in the morning he didn't realize at first that walking was so significant what he

[00:39:54] realized is that he felt really inspired when he listened to podcasts but he never made the

[00:39:59] time to listen to podcast and we sort of paired that with the fact that he wanted to exercise more

[00:40:05] and then he really likes walking and long story short it took a little bit of digging to realize

[00:40:10] that this ended up being this this sort of net activity no extra time activity where he could

[00:40:15] walk listen to the podcast and then this chain reaction happened afterwards those chain reactions

[00:40:19] happen a lot in the morning that's why everybody's so obsessed with the morning routines and

[00:40:23] stuff i mean there's truth to it there's a tremendous amount of truth to it it's because

[00:40:28] it sets off these chain reactions in your day likewise you get up late that sets off a whole

[00:40:32] different set of chain reactions in your day and so just understanding the step before a lot of

[00:40:38] people will look at the the issue of you know adrian who i mentioned wouldn't get up when his

[00:40:42] alarm would go off or you know chris would get up too late to walk or whatever that is or

[00:40:47] or myself i have lots of ways that i sell sabotage too you know spending precious time

[00:40:51] looking at the website instead of preparing for a big you know interview for example um understanding

[00:40:58] how that chain reaction occurs and then go back to the step before it and and and change the inputs

[00:41:04] that's how you change the output a lot of people are focused on the output i want this i want this

[00:41:08] i want this we need to be focused on the behavior that led to that good or bad and

[00:41:13] once you understand it and here's the thing if you can't figure it out or if you're

[00:41:17] struggling too or maybe you just don't want to admit what it really is because we've all been

[00:41:20] there too like ask someone that you trust that can speak into your life maybe it's a spouse maybe

[00:41:26] it's a best friend maybe it's a sibling but if they know you well enough or someone who's worked

[00:41:31] with you for a long time they know exactly how you self sabotage and so if you and that's one of

[00:41:37] the powers of the mastermind i'm a huge fan of masterminds i i highly rise again i wish i would

[00:41:42] have had mentors when i was younger i wish i would have been in masterminds when i was younger

[00:41:46] um people will speak into your lives and those like the right mastermind with the right dynamic

[00:41:50] they'll say oh are you doing that thing that you do like you know are you you didn't set over that

[00:41:56] that that proposal and and this guy was really big why didn't you send over that proposal yet

[00:42:02] like they'll push back on you a little bit because they start to memorize the way you

[00:42:06] self sabotage too and also what gets the best performance out of you man if you know that

[00:42:11] about yourself it is powerful invite accountability and it's exponential

[00:42:18] yeah yeah i wish i had learned that right you know that part so much earlier right because

[00:42:24] i heard you talking about that i was like i think she's talking about me you know in what you're

[00:42:27] just saying yeah all of us totally right all of us yeah it is um i want to step back a few

[00:42:35] paces there and talk about um the the three people right you mentioned the um accountability partner

[00:42:44] and the mentor those i guess i'm more familiar with obviously i understand the concept of a

[00:42:50] network but is this your own little personal mastermind or advisory board does the do they

[00:42:55] change based on the year or your circumstance so tell tell me how you and how you envision

[00:43:00] those three great questions so that framework is based off of my own framework it's called

[00:43:04] the anatomy of goals it's not the next book but it's the book after that so i'll let you know

[00:43:09] when it comes out but the anatomy of goals are based off of that you really need three people to go

[00:43:13] after your goals um what i will tell you is the way to succeed at your goal is not endlessly

[00:43:18] researching let's just stop right there like that's and that is absolutely a massive form

[00:43:23] of self sabotage that i see over and over again i've been guilty of it too be careful what you

[00:43:27] say that everybody listening here we included it what do you mean i just if i just do a

[00:43:32] little more research on the for sure that's a great way to do creative creative avoidance

[00:43:38] that's exactly what it is it is and i will tell you now let me start with i do this done this i am like

[00:43:46] if i've got a phd anything it's that um that is one of the primary ways that i self sabotage

[00:43:52] i so i went to school to be a scientist like i got a degree in biology and chemistry and i love

[00:43:57] the science but the truth was in a lot of ways having a degree now okay i can spin it that it's

[00:44:03] like oh i approach personal development business like a scientist yes but the truth is my science

[00:44:09] background has hurt me many times as an entrepreneur because in science i mean you are constantly

[00:44:15] testing hypothesis you don't make a claim until your it's irrefutable evidence etc etc um running

[00:44:22] a business is a lot more loose than that it's a lot more of like i got half of the data points

[00:44:27] i wish i had i'm just going to go ahead and go ahead without it so in this way this this is something

[00:44:32] that i struggled with as an entrepreneur because there is not nearly as much science as i would

[00:44:38] like in business so it's kind of like a gut feel of like this or that we can make both of

[00:44:42] a workout science doesn't work that way and so i endlessly researched for a long time and most

[00:44:49] of us do and i would literally put a report together on how to do something and i have

[00:44:55] and in my mind i was like oh well i did it on my own time like when i was advising large companies

[00:45:00] in my mind i'd go well i did it on my own time and your time is valuable too it doesn't matter

[00:45:04] if you did it at 10 o'clock at night or not when we endlessly research it's really a form of

[00:45:11] insecurity it's a way for us to be beyond reproach and go look but i looked at all this data

[00:45:17] i looked at all this information um the most successful people that i've seen out there

[00:45:24] they move ahead with 50 60 of the necessary information they move ahead with less information

[00:45:32] than i myself am comfortable moving ahead with and i've had to learn from those people

[00:45:37] that i was speaking to a president of a company called great of works a guy who's become a

[00:45:42] good friend armando linuti and i'll never forget he said to me april it's just that i don't believe

[00:45:48] any of my moves are fatal so good and how many of us think that our moves are fatal how many

[00:45:55] of us think that endlessly researching will protect us against either failing our business

[00:46:02] a loss of money or just us looking stupid like that was my like i then i i don't look prepared

[00:46:09] i always wanted to be prepared i was always the person coming in with the tidy reports and this

[00:46:13] and that and it was really just a form of insecurity so if you are an endless research

[00:46:19] you're you're not short cutting anyone's success by endlessly researching if if you know you want

[00:46:24] to prioritize fitness go find someone who's fit if you want to write a book go find someone

[00:46:29] who's written a book and i know you originally asked me about the three characters in my anatomy

[00:46:33] goals um so it's the network or the mentor and the accountability buddy and mentors obvious the

[00:46:40] thing the person who's done the thing and they can give you tips but the the network or sometimes

[00:46:46] the mentor and the network are the same people sometimes they're not some sometimes you talk to

[00:46:50] someone who's written a book and then they can tell you exactly how they wrote a book but

[00:46:53] they don't have a network their recluse their intro they didn't make a network and and that's

[00:46:57] okay it takes all kinds but a network or a maven which is actually my primary company's name

[00:47:03] is it is a connector it's an expert that connects people to other people that's specifically why i

[00:47:08] called the business maven i love connecting people this is a connector is who i am through and through

[00:47:15] find someone who was a connector and they will shortcut your path they'll say oh you know what

[00:47:20] you want to climb Everest well i know a guy who did that i'll connect you with them oh you

[00:47:24] want to start a new business and you want to buy laundry mat oh i know someone who did

[00:47:28] that let me get you with them oh you need a financial consultant i know someone who did

[00:47:31] that they they have a network and they will always point you in the right direction

[00:47:36] i'm gonna come back to but we have to be secure enough to ask for help

[00:47:41] admit what we don't know and receive that help because most of us i had a i had a friend who

[00:47:46] was in financial trouble and i knew that i could solve the financial trouble uh he was in

[00:47:53] but he would refuse to let anyone help him and and i was like oh buddy i've been there but

[00:48:00] it's not going to help you and only when he finally said okay fine i'm out of my depth someone

[00:48:04] helped and people came in and got solved and six months later very different financial position

[00:48:10] but it takes a lot of courage to be willing to say i need some help um and and to say

[00:48:16] it as candidly as it needs to be said versus like oh i just have a couple of quick questions for

[00:48:20] you um that feels different than going i am way out of my depth here like tell me how you

[00:48:25] did this because i have no freaking clue if you have the bravery and the courage to do that

[00:48:30] there will be people that will help you but would it help if i explain how you find those people

[00:48:35] because sometimes people go up absolutely and before you explain that before you do that you

[00:48:40] went uh you covered three things i need to receive the help but tell me the three things again

[00:48:45] and why those are important when i ask for help to be ready to receive the help

[00:48:50] um you talked about i said about candidly saying it versus like oh i just want to pick your brain

[00:48:55] which sounds a lot different than how bad you can be and maybe the other one's being vulnerable enough

[00:49:02] but yeah because i i want to get into that a little more because at least in my experience

[00:49:10] if i'm going to go do something i've never done i don't know i've never tried to launch

[00:49:14] rocket to the moon a real rocket you know yeah i'm gonna have to go and say i don't know anything

[00:49:20] about this like that one seems a little more um i gotta start from zero but where i'm the worst

[00:49:26] is where i have these kind of near you know if i think i'm kind of decent i might say i

[00:49:33] i might say i have a few questions i might not think i need as much help on the other side

[00:49:38] of that every time i have been vulnerable and been courageous and just said i don't know what

[00:49:43] to do i need your help and been very direct is when it's work the best but it's when i have these

[00:49:49] kind of you know areas of somewhat competent you know like there maybe i'm not an expert but i'm

[00:49:55] not completely ignorant or incompetent and that's where it sneaks in uh and i don't come and approach

[00:50:02] it that way so help me understand how do you how do you kind of see around that

[00:50:07] blind spot how do i how do i not make that same mistake i think that's a great point honestly

[00:50:11] as you said that i'm like god you're you're absolutely right and that has been the case

[00:50:16] i i've done that many times too like the thing i'm most at risk at is the thing that i know a little

[00:50:20] bit about to be dangerous because it's almost like i know enough not to be vulnerable and ask

[00:50:27] the questions i need to ask like oh well i should know about this thing because i've you know

[00:50:31] dabbled i've known a little bit um great great question i would say that it's better to look

[00:50:36] like you know nothing than to look like you know something um people many people are actually

[00:50:43] quite willing to teach um if you're a good student it's not fun to teach a student that

[00:50:49] pretends like they already know the answer too so it's funny i've had a lot of people ask me about

[00:50:54] coaching and i was kind of a strict business advisor for years and years and years and then

[00:50:58] about about five years ago i branched out to coaching as well and sort of business advising

[00:51:03] and strictly looking at the business and the product launch and the distribution and how does

[00:51:06] scale and things like that but what i found was that the coaching piece was missing because you

[00:51:12] could lay out this great sales plan but you know if the vp of sales was a high functioning alcoholic

[00:51:17] it didn't tend to work as well um or if they've got these blocks and you know they're struggling

[00:51:23] with vulnerability or admitting they don't know the answer it's hard for them to effectively run

[00:51:26] their team anyway so i end up pairing coaching with it and someone asked me well it takes a good

[00:51:30] coach and it's kind of a cheater answer but the the answer is a good student

[00:51:37] and i spent a lot of years trying to coach people who didn't want to be coached and um and probably

[00:51:43] i would i think at first i was probably a bad student too because i i wasn't being honest about

[00:51:49] what i needed to be coached in and so for a lot of reasons feeling like you didn't belong anyhow

[00:51:56] that's one of the things that again if you could go back and be honest about what you need to know

[00:52:00] and and default to not knowing anything versus showing that you know a little bit about the topic

[00:52:08] because i i definitely have made that mistake where i'm like well i do know a little bit about it

[00:52:12] and then maybe they make some assumptions or maybe they think that you don't need as much

[00:52:16] help as you do like it's like it's better to be the fool than be like oh well i know some

[00:52:22] things i'm i just have a couple of questions like if they're ready to open up and tell you all the

[00:52:27] things like sit down pull out your pen and paper and take notes so if i'm listening and i'm sitting

[00:52:34] there and and maybe somebody is because i'm seeing they're going whenever somebody leans in and asks

[00:52:40] the question and gets vulnerable is when i go why am i not that why am i not doing that yeah

[00:52:48] so how do i become the best student if the answer to the best coaching is the best students

[00:52:54] how do i lean in and embrace that yeah great question so

[00:53:03] i mean i will tell you that not everyone is a good student um a lot of people want

[00:53:12] they just want the highlights like give me two bullet points but i don't actually want to

[00:53:17] hear all the pieces and i don't want to do all the work i as you said that i'm reminded about

[00:53:22] i became a real estate investor when i was pretty young and i didn't know any other again

[00:53:27] mentoring would have helped a lot the best i had was like the rich dad poor dad book the

[00:53:31] robber key sake book and then i had a millionaire real estate investor the gary keller book

[00:53:37] that's where i started buying real estate and i knew i knew nothing um in fact the first

[00:53:42] townhouse i bought i didn't have money for the down payment so i took an advance on a student visa

[00:53:47] 27.9 percent um it was a bad deal but uh but anyways it got me into the house so when you become a

[00:53:55] real estate investor young everybody wants to know how you did it like everybody's going how

[00:53:59] how did you do this how did you learn about this i didn't i didn't know anyone i literally

[00:54:03] knew no one who was doing this and um in fact i have a picture of my first closing and i showed

[00:54:09] up with that same blue hair with overalls on and everyone thought i was in the wrong building and was

[00:54:13] like oh you know coffee shops down the street i'm like no i'm buying a house here um so when i

[00:54:22] when i became a real estate investor a lot of people wanted to know how a lot of people

[00:54:27] that were friends of mine were like teach me how teach me how i would have been happy to

[00:54:32] teach anybody how to do it because i learned through excessively researching pouring through

[00:54:37] books i read every book i like for the books that i couldn't afford i just sit at burns and

[00:54:40] i'll go and read them all and put them back in the shelves like i did all of that stuff right

[00:54:44] because there was no like bigger pockets or house hat and like all the stuff that and there's

[00:54:49] so much information available now but 20 something years ago there wasn't and um it was

[00:54:54] much much slimmer information and i wanted to teach somebody so bad how to do it nobody

[00:55:01] actually would do it i mean maybe it was just the people that i knew but over and over again i saw that

[00:55:09] people wanted like a couple bullet points but they were not willing to do it the amount of times i

[00:55:12] would say yeah show up at my property on saturday i'll be there doing improvements and i'll teach

[00:55:17] you everything i know i offered so often to teach you everything i know nobody took me up on it

[00:55:24] like if they showed up they would show up maybe once for an hour and then they got to go

[00:55:28] they got to this they got to that so i just want to say that if you're a good student you're already

[00:55:32] ahead of the curve so that's one of the things um excuse me that's one of the things i want to

[00:55:41] point out is being a good student meaning showing up on time ready to learn um you're already ahead

[00:55:46] of most people um also respecting the time of your mentor but when your mentor and the way

[00:55:54] you respect it is showing up on time and and if someone shows up they don't have a pen and a

[00:55:59] paper to take notes come on like you're gonna be asking the same question over again like respect

[00:56:04] my time as the mentor um but i will tell you if you're willing to show up vulnerably and you're

[00:56:11] like all right i'm ready to be taught please teach me most people don't do that they just don't

[00:56:17] i mean people go and pay for seminars that they never execute on i see it all the time i

[00:56:21] mean i love seminars do i love it in person events i host them i attend them all the things um and yet

[00:56:27] the majority of the people never actually execute on any of the stuff so if you're gonna show up

[00:56:32] and you're gonna you're gonna respect them in twist time you're gonna be vulnerable you really

[00:56:37] want to know what they have to teach they're gonna be open to that most people especially

[00:56:43] like a contribution focused person a legacy oriented person they want to pass on their

[00:56:47] information i want to pass on my information i mean i said at the beginning the thing i'm so

[00:56:51] passionate about is being the mentor i never had it's because i fought so hard for the lessons

[00:56:56] that i've learned and i don't want them to go to waste i want them to pass on to as many people

[00:57:02] as possible and i think there's so many potential mentors out there that feel exactly the same

[00:57:08] there's actually a massive lack of mentees out there for them to pass it on to mentees that

[00:57:13] 'll actually show up on time do the work take notes yeah it but speaking of time and time

[00:57:20] that back to self sabotage uh at least in my experience i was afraid i was afraid to ask

[00:57:28] and then i would be freaking out about showing up and i would show up on time and i would have

[00:57:33] been sure i remember the first time or two i did this i was just imposter syndrome like if

[00:57:39] i asked april why would april give me her time she's so amazing and successful and she's coached

[00:57:44] thousands of people and so i would just get into my head like i you know that i i can't i can't do

[00:57:51] this it's not uh it's not i'm not ready sure i'm not able i'm not you know fill in the blank

[00:57:57] whatever you want to sabotage about i'm not smart enough i didn't go to the right school

[00:58:00] i don't you know whatever excuse right so um how did you know for anybody listening to this

[00:58:07] going man that sounds a lot like me yeah what's the next well a couple of things so when you're

[00:58:14] saying that the question i would first ask is what are you afraid of like i know you're afraid but

[00:58:19] like what is it like if i was to ask you what are you afraid of are you afraid that your mentor

[00:58:25] is gonna think that you're not smart enough that you're not capable enough that you haven't

[00:58:28] earned the right to ask their advice like what's what's the fear yeah so i kind of like you

[00:58:34] i'm kind of framing because the old me was like i can't ask anybody i shouldn't

[00:58:38] share anything i don't want to be vulnerable i need to know things i need to show i need to show my

[00:58:43] value by contributing and it's what i learned about being a man about being mentored is i need

[00:58:48] to shut up and listen and um and take good notes um maybe ask the occasional good question but um

[00:58:56] but i can i can still resonate this because i love your quote right a new level a new devil

[00:59:02] and so as i've leveled up and gotten more and more uh interesting successful whatever word you want to

[00:59:09] put in um uh mentors i i still showed up with a similar and i think it goes back to that insecurity

[00:59:18] like what if they realize i don't belong here and they say leave the room you shouldn't be here

[00:59:24] right and so once i get into it if i force myself to do it and show up after a few times

[00:59:30] i go okay maybe i could maybe i could be in the room but whenever i get into it you know a new um

[00:59:37] you know it's like the somebody was saying if you're the smartest person in the room getting a

[00:59:41] different room so when i get in a different room and now i'm the dumbest person in the room or

[00:59:45] the mentor is really great i still go right back to that same insecurity of like now i'm the the

[00:59:51] new kid i'm the youngest i'm the and so that same insecurity comes back yeah well it's

[00:59:56] going to come back to what i mentioned earlier is can you withstand the awkwardness can you

[01:00:01] withstand the discomfort of being in the room where you are the dumbest where you are the least

[01:00:05] successful i mean that that that's really what it's tied to because people talk about leveling

[01:00:11] up your peer group and i'm a fan of it too but it's not about oh how do i get these people

[01:00:16] to hang out with me it's can you withstand the awkwardness of knowing you might be the least

[01:00:20] successful person in the room i had a friend that was in a networking group and um he was in it for

[01:00:26] about six months and it was time to renew and he said i'm not going to renew and i said why and he

[01:00:29] goes well you know everybody in there um essentially said everyone in there are super super wealthy and

[01:00:35] so they kind of have a different conversation and they're kind of talking about different stuff and

[01:00:39] he's like you know i just sometimes feel left out and he's like so i'm gonna discontinue and i was

[01:00:44] like and when you discontinue you guarantee that you'll never feel comfortable with those tables

[01:00:50] but see because you know Steve Harvey says if four if nine of your friends are broke you'll be the

[01:00:54] 10th but i would argue maybe the opposite is true as well as nine of your friends are rich you'll be

[01:00:58] the 10th like if he would have sat at that table would he because we just level up you know Tony

[01:01:03] Arbaz always says you know i think he actually got it from Jim Rohn but like we're the five people

[01:01:07] we spend our time with um and and it's around the expectations of our peer group if he would have

[01:01:13] stayed in that circle for long enough that would have felt normal to him and then that it's

[01:01:19] like oh this is what we do like when people say they want to run a marathon i was like great

[01:01:23] how many marathoners do you know wow i don't know that's right and i was like start there because

[01:01:29] this is part of the design peer group that i was talking about this is the book that i'm

[01:01:32] almost finished with now the design peer group is hanging out with people that normalize success

[01:01:38] in the thing you are about to do whatever it is so it might be your first marathon and i'm

[01:01:41] like all right go hang out with people that have done a marathon before like do not endlessly

[01:01:45] research how to run a marathon that's where most people start because it's comfortable

[01:01:49] because our ego gets to stay protected like people want to a lot of people don't want to come out

[01:01:55] they don't have tangent here for a little bit but but in social media right now there's a big push

[01:01:59] about like hustle in darkness and then you'll come out and show them your results in my mind this is

[01:02:04] utter bullshit like the second i hear that i was like no no no the only thing you do in

[01:02:08] that situation is you protect your ego but if instead someone watches you in pursuit of something

[01:02:14] even watching you stumble at something man someone could actually learn from that nobody

[01:02:19] learns from your successes people learn from your failures and your ability to get back up again so

[01:02:24] i understand the need to protect a new idea when it's it's young and fragile because there are

[01:02:29] going to be people who come out with sledgehammers and they want to bust your new idea your new

[01:02:32] business you you can't run a marathon because you're this that you know they bring out all

[01:02:35] their reasons why it can't happen i understand that and you do have to protect your new ideas

[01:02:40] against that but i really want to encourage you that when you share your your path including

[01:02:46] the stumbles other people see that wow that's available for someone like me like someone who

[01:02:51] has kids someone who is been through a bankruptcy or a divorce or is a business owner or not a

[01:02:56] business owner has a degree it doesn't have to be because we all have these these lenses of

[01:03:00] insecurity that we're trying to see things through we never see things as they are we

[01:03:03] see things as we are right and so if i'm trying to look at a scenario but i've got the oh but

[01:03:08] i i don't have an mba oh i i'm not a business owner oh but i i i mentioned that when i do my

[01:03:15] in-person events i have people i talk about what people's narrative is and they step into the circle

[01:03:20] it's called the step in the circle exercise what was fascinating to me is the first time i had this

[01:03:25] event i didn't think of it until day three it's a three day of a two and a half day event the third

[01:03:30] day i got this idea to say if you've been divorced step into the circle and five or six

[01:03:39] people step in the circle and one of the guys stopped and he's like oh my god and like clutches

[01:03:47] his chest i said what this entire time i've sat here for three days thinking i was the only person

[01:03:53] in the room who'd been divorced he said everybody's talking about their partners and their happy

[01:03:58] marriages and da da da and he said in the entire time i was up in my head think and this is guy

[01:04:04] who runs a successful law practice he's you know this happy go lucky guy who's in a committed relationship

[01:04:11] but the entire time he felt insecure he wasn't walking and reflecting on all the things he's

[01:04:17] done well at we often walk in just focused on our wounds right we walk in with these these

[01:04:21] lenses of insecurity and his massive one that was distorting his entire experience while he was

[01:04:26] there was that he believed he was the only one there who'd ever been divorced and and we see

[01:04:32] that business owners all the time where they think that they want who's gone through bankruptcy or

[01:04:36] their businesses they you know they had to close their business if we get more honest about those

[01:04:41] things and that takes a ton of courage we'll start to see that one you're not the only one two

[01:04:46] there's other people in the room and three people are inspired by your courage when you share your

[01:04:51] story your messy backstory and i'm i'm a work in progress on this too when we start to share it

[01:04:57] we empower other people to share it too we have to show people that it's available to

[01:05:01] someone like us and this this is true whether we're talking about goal setting you know if you

[01:05:05] want to run a marathon hang out with people who run a marathon you only do 75 hard and you're telling

[01:05:09] yourself i can't do 75 hard because i've got young kids at home go to lunch once a month with people

[01:05:14] that have done 75 hard and have kids at home and suddenly your excuses won't seem so significant

[01:05:20] feel like you can't write a book because you're a bad writer there are other people that

[01:05:23] aren't good at writing and have written books so the whole premise of a design peer group

[01:05:28] is just hang out with people that normalize success in the thing you're about to do and then

[01:05:34] suddenly it just feels like oh this is this is what people do this is possible for someone like me

[01:05:41] that's awesome so i think i could spend the rest of the day talking with you but to be a good

[01:05:46] steward of your time i won't tell me about your book when is it coming out tell me more about it

[01:05:52] how do i if i'm listening get get plug yeah so um it's not available yet but um you can get on our

[01:05:59] list um i i assume it's giving the show notes too but um my website is theaprilgarcia.com

[01:06:05] i'm the April Garcia on pretty much every platform and you can sign up there for our newsletter so

[01:06:10] we can let you know when it comes out um but it's about designing a peer group for success

[01:06:15] it's about curating the people around you to support the next version of you instead of

[01:06:20] the previous version of you most of us are living with our default peer group and not that those are

[01:06:25] bad people but those are people that maybe we didn't have intentionality when we brought them in

[01:06:29] but if we're hanging out with lots of people that are unhappy in their relationship they

[01:06:33] they all they get together is talk about how hard running a business is if they talk about how

[01:06:37] bad parenting sucks um i'm not trying to throw shade on those people but they're probably not

[01:06:43] enjoying the the width and the breadth of their lives and if you want to go out there and

[01:06:47] live a kick-ass life grow your business and really enjoy the ride you got to be around people who do

[01:06:51] that too so the premise is just curating the people that are around you to support that next

[01:06:58] version of you what that next version of you requires is not endlessly researching on google

[01:07:03] it is not youtube videos it's not listening to pod i love podcasts i love youtube videos i love

[01:07:09] books i'm a total book nerd um but if i manage my mindset i talk back to my brain if i know how i

[01:07:17] self sabotage and if i surround myself with people who have achieved the thing i'm about to achieve

[01:07:23] and bonus build an accountability buddy you're unstoppable i mean those are the shortcuts to

[01:07:28] success right there that's amazing april that is so so good uh if anybody is just getting

[01:07:38] chills and they can't wait to get connected to get your help to get coach get a mastermind whatever it is

[01:07:43] how should they reach out how should they connect follow whatever you yeah i would go to my website

[01:07:48] that that's the easiest way the april garcia dot com i obviously run the podcast the april

[01:07:52] garcia pivot me podcast have for five or six years now we we release every thursday um that is a

[01:07:58] great way to connect but sort of the two-way communication where i can actually respond back

[01:08:02] as um the april garcia dot com and um you can even book a 15 minute chat with me um i just started

[01:08:08] doing that about six months ago i love talking to people i mean you probably get that like i'm a

[01:08:13] people person right is why don't a lot a lot of consultants at this point go into just public

[01:08:18] speaking and that's it and though i've done a lot of public speaking i it's one-way communication

[01:08:23] and i love to like talk to the person and understand them and their business and how their

[01:08:27] business affects their their family and their health and all that sort of stuff and so um i

[01:08:31] started this um thing a few months ago maybe not six months ago and i don't know how long we're

[01:08:35] going to keep doing it but book a free 50 minute chat because i just like ask me anything well

[01:08:39] let's hop on a call and i'll answer some questions for you so uh again i'm super passionate about

[01:08:45] being the mentor i never had um and that's an extension of that i love that so if you're listening

[01:08:52] take advantage before she comes to her senses and gets too busy and takes that away or you

[01:08:57] know you're looking for the right mentor just to pick april's brain um don't miss out so go visit

[01:09:03] the aprilgarcia.com and take advantage of april's uh bad judgment or good to pay it forward whichever

[01:09:09] you want to call don't ask me stories about bad judgment you're gonna go back to the high

[01:09:12] school years again they're like show me a picture of gothic april i have them we're gonna feature

[01:09:17] i got it i got you covered